Wednesday, October 07, 2009

The Process is Slow

"But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul within me."
(Psalm 131:2)

“To gain composure is to go through a weaning process.
Something that once meant everything comes to mean nothing.”
--David Powlison, Seeing with New Eyes

Elijah eats regular meals now. He's got an appetite for fruit of all kinds, for squash and broccoli, for pizza and cheese...and oh, does that boy love his bread. But how did we get here? He hasn't always liked solid foods; in fact, for the first year of his life, he hardly ate any solids at all, instead nursing 8-10 times a day.

Weaning was a process. It didn't happen immediately, cold-turkey. (FYI...with rare exceptions, it usually doesn't. Abrupt refusal to nurse is generally a sign of a nursing strike, not baby-led weaning. [/lactivism]) Anyway, once he turned one, we dropped a feeding, then another, and another. For quite some time he nursed about four times a day. Eventually it dwindled to two...then it was one for a long time...then he'd skip days here and there. It was seven months later until he was completely finished nursing.

So for me to have a mature soul, a gentle and quiet spirit, a calm heart, is a PROCESS. Not an overnight revelation, not something I pray for and am instantly zapped with. The idols that have captivated my foolish, wayward heart for so long will not go quietly, without a fight.

A lifelong perfectionist, I am so easily frustrated and discouraged by the sl-o-o-o-ow process of change in my heart. The movement in the right direction seems nearly imperceptible; often times it feels like I am going nowhere at all--or worse, crawling backwards.

I can wallow in despair. Or I can try to regain perspective:

"God seems content to work on a scale of centuries within the church, and a scale of decades with individuals.”
--David Powlison, Dynamics of Biblical Change class syllabus

"Whenever you discover that you're feeling impatient,
just ask yourself what it is that you would rather be doing
than running toward your heavenly Father."
--Elyse Fitzpatrick, Love to Eat, Hate to Eat

Where Were You Ten Years Ago?


Rebecca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rebecca said...

Once again, a post so relative to my very heart.

So needed!

Thanks for the encouragement. It's a blessing to know that others are feeling/going through the same experiences. {Another blessing to jot down in my gratitude journal!!}

The devil wants us to think we're all alone, doesn't he?

Danielle said...

"Progress not perfection" is something my pastor has said from time to time. It's something I think about in regards to the process of sanctification.