Multitude Monday, Take 265

"When I realize that it is not God who is in my debt but I who am in His great debt, then doesn't all become gift? For He might not have." (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p. 94)

Thanking God this week for all the things He didn't have to give me, but generously gave anyway, including...

4420. lively discussions with people I disagree with
4421. reminders that authors/bloggers I dislike are real people and probably sisters in Christ, however much I may be convinced that they are wrong
4422. the smell of browned butter
4423. downtown businesses generously handing out candy to preschool trick-or-treaters
4424. my oblivious boys forgetting all about the candy after we got home

4425. encouragement and prayers from dear friends
4426. huge piles of leaves
4427. pizza for supper, spur of the moment
4428. the great relationship Steve has with his boss
4429. prayer challenges/guides

4430. snuggle time with sick Elijah
4431. grace to admit when I am wrong and apologize
4432. friends who will pray for me and call when I am a wreck
4433. knowing me completely and still loving me
4434. granting others the grace to know me and love me in spite of it all

4435. a gorgeous day at Fall Creek Falls
4436. the beautiful ladies who are planning the retreat with me
4437. sunlight filtered through trees
4438. cliff dropoffs
4439. the side of Steve that hiking brings out

4440. Elijah's enthusiasm and adventurousness
4441. silvery bare trees among the remaining colors
4442. the thrill of exploring, not knowing what we would find
4443. Steve suggesting a burger stop for dinner on the way home
4444. post-bath snuggles with Jude

4445. quiet, restful Sunday afternoon
4446. sitting, *seeing*, laughing with my boys
4447. our pastor's wonderful sermons from Acts
4448. the way He redeems and uses sinners like Paul and like me
4449. His sovereign love and grace overcoming our stubborn wills

Acts Comes Alive

Our church is a few months into a study of the book of Acts--and our pastor, Stephen Gambill, has been tearing it up lately in the pulpit! His last few sermons have really been fantastic. I highly recommend especially these two:

From Beastly to Broken (Saul on the Damascus Road, Acts 9:1-9):
video / audio

The Gospel to Ethiopia (Philip and the Ethiopian Eunuch, Acts 8:26-40):
video / audio

(You can also just subscribe to the podcast by searching on iTunes for Reformed Baptist Church of Nashville.)

God has gifted Stephen with the ability to make these familiar stories come to life and leave you freshly amazed at who He is and what He has done. And what I so appreciate about his preaching is that he consistently makes much of Jesus. Listen and be encouraged and challenged!

Family Day at Fall Creek Falls

We spent the day today at Fall Creek Falls State Park--and could not have requested more gorgeous weather for exploring!

Our church's next women's retreat is going to be held here in February, so the two ladies who are planning with me decided we should make a day trip with our families to check it out. We got to see the facilities and enjoy a picnic lunch, then view the falls:





One of the other families needed to get back for some evening plans, but Steve and I decided to stay a little longer and do a bit of hiking with the boys. Elijah, who has long been obsessed with bridges, was thrilled when we found this:





After we crossed, we made our way down to the creek and then decided we could cross it and head toward the top of a different waterfall. Unfortunately we couldn't get close enough to really see anything, but we still had a great time trying. Our timid and cautious firstborn has come a LONG way! And I love the side of Steve that this kind of hiking brings out. It reminded me of the time on our honeymoon when we hiked up a dry streambed to a waterfall (on the Road to Hana in Maui). Elijah gets his cautiousness and nervous uncertainty from me in this case, but Steve was SO patient with me as we climbed over boulders together.

Seven years later, here we were on a similar yet incredibly different afternoon--this time helping kids cross...

...or wearing them on our backs:

 

 Today was just what I needed after a rough couple of days--being out in creation, seeing more reasons to appreciate my husband, laughing with my boys.

Fabulous Blogs

Day 2 of NaBloPoMo and I am already posting somewhat last-minute...this is a rough start. Oy!

Part of this month will be playing catch-up with things that have been in my drafts folder for months (or in some cases, years). Back in July, the lovely Zoanna of A Penchant for Pens honored me with a "Fabulous Blog Award." I thanked her then, but am just now getting around to participating in the accompanying meme.

Zoanna is one of the delightful women I have come to know and enjoy through blogging, but have yet to have the pleasure of meeting in real life. Someday, I hope! I appreciate her sense of humor (especially her knack for puns), her love of good grammar, her honesty. I'm also glad for what she brings to the blog-world in terms of wisdom and life experience. It's so easy to surround ourselves with women who are in the same season of life as we are, and while that can be valuable and encouraging, we miss so much if we are not seeking out and listening to the voices of women who have "been there, done that." So stop over and check out her blog!

Next I'm supposed to give you a few lists:

Five fabulous moments in my life...

1. hearing Steve recite wedding vows to me
2. seeing Jude pink up after his beautiful birth and several moments of a gray, motionless baby
3. my first stuff-block in junior high volleyball
4. giving my testimony as a college ministry team member at the youth camp where I got saved
5. listening to a high school girl I'd informally mentored over the years read a tribute to me as an influential person in her life

Five things I love...

1. my kids' belly laughs
2. the anticipation of beginning a new journal/the satisfaction of filling one up
3. long talks with kindred spirits
4. photo Christmas cards all over my refrigerator
5. having my hair played with

Five things I hate...

1. typos and other errors in official, published works
2. misrepresentations or distortions of my theological beliefs
3. seeing my kids sick and feeling helpless
4. doing things I suck at
5. olives

And then, as is usually the case with unofficial "blog awards," I am supposed to pass it on. Like Zoanna, I too feel a little goofy passing the award along because, as she said, "Some folks don't feel so much honored as pressured to reciprocate." So I'm going to link you to five blogs I enjoy. If you see yourself below and you want to participate, have fun playing along--and if you don't feel like it, just know that I think your blog is fabulous, and enjoy the tiny bit of extra traffic I may drive your way!

All This Every Day
I met Robin at the aforementioned youth camp, when I was a senior in high school and she was a freshman (I think...right?). We were then at college together for a year before I graduated. The more I read her blog, the more I wish our time at college had overlapped more--or rather, the more I think I'd enjoy spending time with the lovely and interesting woman she has become! At her blog, you'll find foodie posts, beauty reviews, travelogues and poignant reflections. I loved the letter she recently wrote to her 14-year-old self--in fact I may end up riffing off of it later this month.

A Passing Glimpse
Jenny and I were acquaintances in college; one of her best friends was my senior-year roommate. I have so enjoyed hearing her heart and getting to know her better in the years since via her blog. She writes with piercing beauty and grace--first about her painful journey through infertility and pursuing adoption, and now about her precious new son Tedy, who I think is the cutest baby I have ever seen other than my own. Jenny hasn't been a mom for very long, but she definitely convicts and inspires me! The perspective she has gained through the long wait and the hard road to motherhood have, I am quite sure, made her a uniquely wonderful mother--Tedy is a blessed little guy.

Glory Itches
Ali is married to one of my husband's many wonderful cousins. Steve has such an awesome extended family! Unfortunately we rarely get to see or spend time with Josh and Ali, since they live so far away, but I am glad for the glimpses of Ali's heart through her blog. I definitely think that if we lived closer, I would be wanting to spend a lot of time hanging out with and learning from her!

Ten Thousand Things
I just stumbled across Megan's brand-new blog a couple of weeks ago, and I immediately subscribed. Her title comes from a fabulous John Piper quote: "God does ten thousand things in every deed. Perhaps we know a dozen. Maybe two. But not enough to judge before He's through." I don't know Megan at all, but she's been through a whole lot of heartbreaking trials in the last few years--and she writes about them with vulnerability and grace.

Dancing By the Light
Danielle is another blog-friend whom I hope to meet someday. I don't remember exactly how we got connected, but we've followed each other through the last five years or so--her twin boys are just a couple of months older than Elijah, and her baby girl is Jude's age. She doesn't blog all that often, but I love her "slice of life" style--slowing down to notice the simple things; looking for Christ in the everyday moments. You can also count on finding gorgeous photography (she has a side business) at her place. I think of her and wonder, WHY has God scattered all my kindred spirits all over the country?

Ladies, your blogs are fabulous :) Everyone else: Happy weekend reading!

A Post a Day

I've done it every year since 2006--only failing once, in '09--and here we are for 2012 already:

NaBloPoMo!

My rate of blog posting has been steadily dropping all year, and for no good reason. It's not for lack of ideas; my drafts folder is overflowing with one-line prompts, half-written posts, nearly-finished material and more. And it's not for lack of time; I find that generally speaking, you make time for what you really want to do. No, it's any number of other lame issues, chief among them probably laziness and lack of discipline.

The truth is, I'm not healthy when I'm not writing. I'm pretty sure this blog is a decent barometer of my spiritual and emotional health--when I'm posting a fair amount, I'm in a good place, and when it's quiet here, I'm probably not thriving in real life, either.

So I sat down over the weekend and started organizing a list of post ideas. I have WAY more than I can possibly use this month! I'm excited to get going, hoping to get back into my groove over the next 30 days. I'm quite sure I won't sustain the momentum through December, since I've explained how the weeks following Thanksgiving get consumed by online shopping--but I'm hoping to crank out some interesting content this month, take a little break, and then jump back in after the first of the year with all the material I didn't get to use during NaBloPoMo.

Without further ado...here's to a month of blogging!

The Simple Woman's Daybook ~ 10.31.12

For my only non-gratitude-list post this month (good grief), a little  Simple Woman's Daybook...

Outside my window...

just a few yellow leaves stubbornly hanging on to the branches of a big old maple that has dumped most of the rest of its leaves all over our back patio, and the sky is the kind of crisp fall blue that's my favorite. 

I am thinking...

that I hate deckle-edged books. Does anyone really like them? Why do they make them that way? Annoying. 

I am thankful for...

opportunities to meet and connect with the moms of some of Elijah's preschool friends. 

From the kitchen...

I took Smitten Kitchen's brown butter brown sugar shorties to Elijah's preschool party this morning. Like Deb warned, they are a hard sell on a dessert table full of colorful cupcakes and frosted cookies, but those who tried them raved about them. Browned butter, sweet + salty, only four ingredients...you kind of can't go wrong. You can go wrong, however, with her chicken noodle soup recipe, if you use an old stew bird that takes hours and hours to get tender, rather than the 20 minutes the recipe prescribes. Thankfully I was able to pull something out of the freezer on Monday night and we ate the soup yesterday--and Jude, who usually isn't a soup fan, asked for fourths or fifths (I lost track). Pretty sure I could have put the broth in a cup and he would have happily chugged it. 

I am wearing...

an old favorite sweater--light blue cashmere 3/4 sleeve turtleneck. I would wear cashmere all winter if it weren't so stinking expensive; this one I scored off-season at an Ann Taylor outlet years and years ago for a ridiculously cheap price. And the only pair of jeans I own which fit me well and don't have any holes in them. Plus some brown suede sneakers that I've had for at least three years or so and are looking pretty worn out. Mama needs to go shopping. 

I am creating...

a plan for blogging every day next month. Stay tuned!

I am going...

to get my Christmas cards ordered this week. I think. 

I am reading...

Downtown: My Manhattan, a NYC book that's part-history, part-memoir, and much more interesting than the last NYC history book I read. I recently finished Grisham's The Associate, which started out promising but left me sticking to my belief that he lost his touch after his first four bestsellers (I loved The Client, A Time to Kill, The Pelican Brief and The Firm and haven't really found one of his novels satisfying since). I recently picked up Paul Miller's Love Walked Among Us: Learning to Love Like Jesus, and I'm almost finished with The White Umbrella: Walking with Survivors of Sex Trafficking. A dear friend and I are still slowly plodding through Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, and next up once I finish one of these will probably be The Great Divorce and From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.

For my Bible reading, I'm in Luke and Psalms. My reading plan continues to be critical for keeping me on track. 

I am hoping...

that my pocket camera can be fixed :( The lens cover randomly stopped working last week, but I was still able to take photos with it, and then all of a sudden Saturday I couldn't take pictures anymore, either. 

I am hearing...

the Downton Abbey soundtrack on Spotify. So nice to be able to preview albums before you buy them!  (And I am dying for season three to come out!)

Around the house...

unpleasant things, including a you-know-what hiding somewhere upstairs. Apparently both Steve and Elijah actually spotted it over the weekend, but Steve spared me the knowledge until Monday afternoon. As of yesterday evening it was still on the loose, but we're not seeing any evidence in the kitchen or anywhere else. I am fervently hoping it either went away on its own, or it is in one of the traps and Steve will find it when he gets home tonight. *shiver*

One of my favorite things...

yellow gingko trees in the fall. Do they have those up north? I never noticed or knew about them until we moved down here. 

A few plans for the rest of the week...

nothing much going on; last week was our crazy-busy week (a visit from my parents, a trip to Warner Park, Elijah's last two soccer games, a playdate with a preschool friend, a trip to Cheekwood, a trip to Cowboy Town...WHEW!). I am very much looking forward to Saturday, though--two friends/fellow women's retreat planners and I are taking a day trip to Fall Creek Falls State Park to explore the location for February's retreat!

A picture thought I am sharing...
my boys were firefighters for Elijah's preschool party this morning, in honor of Uncle Josh :)

Multitude Monday, Take 264

"...always looking for just one more in this unfolding of a chronicle of grace, our life story in freeze frames of thanks..." (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p. 82)

Thanking God this week for..

4392. a visit from my parents last week

4393. a gorgeous afternoon at Edwin Warner Park with them and the boys

 

4394. Elijah eating his entire dinner, including four kinds of veggies, without any whining or coercion whatsoever!

4395. Jude's fuzzy-soft new sweatshirt that has buses AND fire trucks on it

4396. missionary friends' getting the necessary work permit to stay in Ethiopia

4397. a phone conversation with Danielle

4398. firefighter boots 

4399. Elijah doing SO well at his [last] soccer game, actually getting in there and kicking the ball!

4400. Steve's humility

4401. much-needed decluttering accomplished

4402. bringing Steve and me together young, without having to endure lots of heartbreak and failed relationships first

4403. pumpkin snickerdoodles a friend brought to share

4404. a playdate with a preschool friend

4405. the quality of low-slanted fall sunlight

4406. the smell of caramelizing onions

4407. a day at Cheekwood with dear friends

 

4408. thousands of mums in bright colors

 

4409. answering our prayer to make the rain go away

4410. bright yellow gingko trees

 

4411. Jude asking for more soup

4412. Jude's delighted giggles over being given a "koo-kwee"

4413. Elijah getting to ride a horse at Cowboy Town

4414. Steve's canoeing skills keeping us dry

4415. a preschool birthday party, another connection with a mom

4416. another fantastic sermon from Acts

4417. the intricate and varied shapes of leaves

4418. a quiet afternoon to plan for NaBloPoMo while everyone else napped

4419. multiple translations of His Word

Multitude Monday, Take 263

"Gratitude for the seemingly insignificant--a seed--this plants the giant miracle. The miracle of eucharisteo, like the Last Supper, is in the eating of crumbs, the swallowing down one mouthful. Do not disdain the small. The whole of the life--even the hard--is made up of the minute parts, and if I miss the infinitesimals, I miss the whole. ...There is a way to live the big of giving thanks in all things. It is this: to give thanks in this one small thing. The moments will add up." (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p. 57)

Thanking God this week for...

4365. Elijah practicing writing his letters for the sheer enjoyment of it
4366. soft fleece sweatshirts
4367. grace to remain calm
4368. grace when I don't remain calm
4369. the relieved, grateful grin on Jude's face when you successfully guess or translate what he's trying to say

4370. Elijah curled up in the rocking chair with an afghan and a Thomas the Train anthology, gently snoring
4371. friends appreciating my nerdy propensity to over-research everything
4372. a picnic at the park with a dear friend who moved away
4373. her adorable baby belly
4374. Elijah's excitement to wear "PJ feet" again

4375. missing bathrobe, found
4376. a long, tight, sad hug from Steve when he came home on the day I found out that a young husband and father from our hometown was killed in a car accident
4377. the way small towns, for all their faults, rally around their own in times of crisis
4378. the reminder not to take anyone or anything for granted, that tomorrow is not guaranteed
4379. a LONG-overdue phone conversation with the other dear, dear woman who mentored me when I was in college (see what I mean about how God provided so ridiculously abundantly back then?!)

4380. the way He put Lyn in my life back in 2001
4381. her words of wisdom and affection; her trust and her prayers
4382. opportunities to serve friends
4383. cash for old, unwanted gold jewelry
4384. gorgeous fall colors

4385. Elijah reciting Psalm 23
4386. unsolicited snuggles from both boys
4387. fresh, warm strawberry rhubarb jam
4388. Jude licking jam off his face
4389. fifteen jars sealed and preserved for the year

4390. His Holy Spirit sealing and preserving me for eternity
4391. the sweetness of His mercy, even when I do not taste and see it

Multitude Monday, Take 262: Gifts at Homecoming

When I started college twelve(!) years ago, the adjustment was much, much harder than I expected. Never have I felt more alone. I had a hard time establishing deep friendships, and I remember the desolation of weeks and weeks going by without a real hug. I spent hours in the prayer chapel on the top floor of our dorm, scribbling in my journal, crying out to the Lord because I didn't have anyone else to lean on. I specifically remember begging Him to bring me just one close friend!

Today I look back on that prayer and can only shake my head in amazement. Thinking about that desperate prayer, and then reflecting on how lavishly He provided...it overwhelms. Honestly, I feel almost embarrassed at the roster of women He placed in my life during those next four years. They are beautiful. And my life is so much richer for having known each one.

All this is fresh on my mind because this past weekend was homecoming at Indiana Wesleyan University, and I had the immeasurable gift of being able to go back and spend time with a few of those dear, dear friends. (And then there are all the professors who profoundly impacted my life while I was there--next time I hope to go on a weekday to be able to visit their offices and say hello!)

Having been out of town a LOT in the last month, and asking a lot of my husband, I made this as short and quick a trip as possible. But when I found out that IWU was putting together an alumni chorale again, I didn't want to miss it this time (two years ago, I was 38 weeks pregnant with Jude and therefore couldn't go). I drove up to Marion early Saturday morning, packed in as many visits as possible, and came home last night feeling full and blessed. The gifts of the weekend are innumerable, but include...

4334. the fact that I remembered at KY mile 8, not later, that I'd left my black and white outfit for the concert hanging on my bedroom door
4335. Steve dragging the boys to our interstate exit, saving me 30 minutes
4336. being able to laugh, hard, about the irony: forgetting your dress is the quintessential chorale nightmare, and here I'd done it, for an alumni chorale event!
4337. the fact that I'd allowed so much extra time, I was still able to meet my dear friend Mollie for lunch
4338. Mollie's sweet, genuine spirit, hearing about her life, hugging her for the first time in eight years

4339. shrieks and hugs at seeing Schmamanda for the first time since her 2005 wedding

4340. Prof Guy, who hasn't changed one bit
4341. his speech and his getting all choked up over the alumni and throwing a classic Profism in to boot
4342. "A Mighty Fortress is Our God"--the reality, and the privilege of singing the song with the chorale again

4343. being allowed to use our music for our songs with the Gaithers (whew!)

4344. chorale members sharing a table in Baldwin Dining Center again, and laughing until I cried

 

4345. the surprise of seeing my parents, who decided the concert sounded so fun, they wanted to come
4346. the gorgeous voices of the men in the Gaither Vocal Band (and the fact that David Phelps is back with them, which I hadn't realized!)

4347. singing two powerful, beautiful songs with them
4348. coffee at McConn with the lovely Professor(!) Dottie Hutcherson, my classmate and newspaper staff comrade

4349. my roommate, Lindsay, and her husband, Justin, not minding my arriving at their apartment at 12:30AM
4350. hours of catching up with Lindsay on Sunday morning
4351. the privilege of knowing and loving the girl Lindsay was eight years ago *and* the woman she is now
4352. lunch with the wonderful Andrews family
4353. the healing God has brought to their precious kiddos and their family

4354. curling up on the couch with Sandra for the afternoon while Kevin kept the kids occupied
4355. Sandra's sensitive, caring heart
4356. her passion and example as a mom
4357. realizing we've been friends for 17 years--the gift of knowing and being known/loving and being loved for that long
4358. safety on the drive home, not getting sleepy as I feared

4359. Elijah's joy in seeing Mama
4360. home sweet home
4361. the ability to sing
4362. anticipation of singing together with these dear friends in Heaven, with no one missing and no goodbyes
4363. getting to hear countless stories of how God is at work in my friends' lives

4364. realizing that if God never gave me another friend after college, He would still be unbelievably, extravagantly generous

Multitude Monday, Take 261

“...in this counting gifts, to one thousand, more, I discover that slapping a sloppy brush of thanksgiving over everything in my life leaves me deeply thankful for very few things in my life. A lifetime of sermons on ‘thanks in all things’ and the shelves sagging with books on these things and I testify: life-changing gratitude does not fasten to a life unless nailed through with one very specific nail at a time.” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p. 57)

Thanking God this week, one-by-one, for...

4309. the beautiful women and girls I had the privilege of speaking to last week (more on that soon, I hope)
4310. a rich and fun visit with my dear mentor and her wonderful family
4311. Elijah getting dressed and ready for preschool without dawdling
4312. opportunities and grace to help Steve instead of pursuing my own agenda
4313. GoodReads, to finally keep track of what I want to read all in one place

4314. red magnolia seeds
4315. sunshine after rain
4316. the edges of trees just beginning to turn orange
4317. an electric skillet on which to cook eight pancakes at once
4318. Jude reading Blue Hat, Green Hat to himself ("bwoo. weh. lello. upps!")

4319. Elijah telling me I look pretty
4320. a new red Klean Kanteen for Elijah
4321. post-nap snuggles with Jude
4322. a friend's willingness to babysit while I hit my favorite used book sale
4323. awesome deals on two enormous bags of books (mostly gifts!)

4324. pumpkin spice lattes
4325. said friend's adorable baby belly, an answer to prayer
4326. my little cowboy bravely handling it better than could be expected when we didn't get to stay at Cowboy Town (long story...with a giant GRR)
4327. a picnic lunch at the park and a walk around the lake instead
4328. the way Jude's hips and legs twist back and forth comically inefficiently when he runs

4329. Steve staying home with our sick little guy while Elijah and I went to church
4330. moving stories
4331. Bible reading plans
4332. His incredible patience
4333. His jealous love

The Simple Woman's Daybook ~ 9.27.12

I have so many things I want and need to blog about...today, to get me back into the groove, a little  Simple Woman's Daybook. 

Outside my window...

all wet from overnight storms, but sunshine now. I love how the trees are just starting to turn orange in a few spots on the edges. Looking forward to seeing our neighborhood turn brilliant colors over the next several weeks. 

I am thinking...

that I really need to do some journaling after I finish this blog post. A big jumble of thoughts running through my head this morning that won't get sorted out until I verbally process. 

I am thankful for...

the opportunity to speak to a group of moms and daughters this past Monday. My mentor, Diane, is part of a "Keepers at Home" group, and this year, their theme is gratitude (they're reading through Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts). Diane asked me to come do their kickoff meeting, and it was a gift to be able to share my heart with the women and girls. 

From the kitchen...

after being gone the last few days, our fridge is pretty bare! I made sausage gravy last night and pulled some Smitten Kitchen biscuits out of the freezer (can I just say, I am so sad that she is not coming to Nashville for her cookbook release tour?!). Lunch was SK's zucchini bread pancakes, since I had milk and zucchini to use up and no leftovers to serve the boys for lunch anyway. (For topping, we used an adapted version of the fabulous cream cheese topping from her carrot cake pancakes, which are also delicious.) And dinner will be white chicken chili, also from the freezer. I need to make a new meal plan...but we needed to be using meals from the freezer anyway. Have I mentioned how much I love freezer cooking?? SO BRILLIANT.   

I am wearing...

a white skirt (gasp! after Labor Day! it didn't occur to me until after I'd already put it on), a purple shirt (the one from the photo in the top right corner, incidentally), and black and white flip-flops. 

I am creating...

a travelogue from my recent NYC trip...or at least, I'm *going* to be creating one, soon...

I am going...

to my alma mater for homecoming this year--to sing in the alumni chorale with the Gaither Vocal Band! SO EXCITED!

I am reading...

I just joined Goodreads, and it struck me earlier this morning that my "currently reading" list is unusually reflective of my life and interests right now. It's not always so balanced and diverse, but at the moment, it says a lot: American Metropolis: A History of New York City (picked up at the Strand when I was in NYC, reflective of my love for the city); Washington Square (an 1800s novel set in NYC), The Invisible Line: Three American Families and the Secret Journey from Black to White (an audiobook reflecting my growing interest in reading history books); Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline (I must admit I'm not *actively* reading this one for several weeks--but I have every intention of coming back to it); The Explicit Gospel and Mockingjay. Fiction and nonfiction, contemporary and old, gospel, history, and parenting. Nice. 

For my Bible reading, I'm in Matthew and Psalms. My reading plan continues to be critical for keeping me on track. 

I am hoping...

to go to Andrew Peterson's Behold the Lamb of God concert this December. I so love that album but have never made it to the live performance--have heard it is just amazing. 

I am hearing...

the white noise from Jude's monitor, and the clinking sounds of Lego construction from Elijah at the dining room table. Also trying out The Decemberists for the first time on Spotify. I don't usually listen to music while I'm sitting here, but a friend recommended them on Facebook the other day so I finally remembered to give them a listen. 

Around the house...

I still haven't completely unpacked from our trip. Laundry is piled up waiting to be done. The kitchen is piled with last night's dishes because I helped Steve bottle his latest batch of wine instead of cleaning up after supper. And yet I sit here blogging...

One of my favorite things...

black and white damask. 

A few plans for the rest of the week...

Soccer practice tonight, and then a nice low-key evening at home tomorrow after what has felt like several chaotic weeks. We'll make up for it on Saturday. I'm hitting my favorite annual used-book sale in the morning, meeting a friend for coffee afterward, and then taking the boys to Cowboy Town as a belated birthday gift to Elijah. 

A picture thought I am sharing...

Diane and me at her house earlier this week, after the Keepers meeting. LOVE HER!

Multitude Monday, Take 260

I've had so much to be thankful for over the last couple of weeks--most notably, the epic girls' weekend in New York City that I spent with my mom and my aunt last weekend! That will need a travelogue blog series all its own, once I've gone through the hundreds of photos I took :) In the meantime, a few other gifts for which I'm thanking God:

4289. the fact that I'm not a single mom
4290. the fact that Steve only has to work two or three weekends a year
4291. Elijah helping Jude put his shoes on
4292. all His promises are YES (not "maybe") in Christ
4293. a mom who read to me

4294. one-on-one time with a dear friend
4295. the bush that had overtaken the sidewalk on the way to preschool FINALLY getting trimmed back
4296. Steve serving cheerfully, caring for our own boys plus two others
4297. the sacrifices that military families make
4298. a long-overdue visit with a dear friend

4299. my in-laws coming down and serving us again
4300. the peaceful emptiness of Kroger at 9 PM on a Friday
4301. a quiet afternoon to process some thoughts and emotions
4302. opportunities to serve families with new babies
4303. dinner at Five Guys with my guys

4304. a walk at Centennial Park afterward
4305. Sunday afternoon naps
4306. disposable diapers for when Jude is having tummy troubles
4307. an old journal filled, a fresh one begun
4308. even when I am not amazed by His grace, He continues to lavish it on me

Despising the Pleasant Land

I was in a funk most of the day today. It wasn't pretty. This morning as I was hanging laundry on the line, right after having changed one of the top three most disgusting diapers of my life (it was an epic blowout), the cynical, despairing, ugly tape in my head was looping at full volume. Suddenly a phrase broke through that static: despising the pleasant land. Yep, that's exactly what I was doing. I haven't read Psalm 106 in months, but the title of an old blog post popped into my mind.

Maybe the rest of the day would have gotten better if I'd stopped to read it earlier, but I finally sat down to revisit it just now. Reposting in case you need to hear it, too...

Psalm 106 features a brief and sorry history of the Israelites and how they were losers even in spite of all God did for them. Verse 24 offers a particularly heartbreaking indictment in the middle of an already depressing psalm: "Then they despised the pleasant land, having no faith in his promise." Over and over He was so good, so faithful to them...over and over they disobeyed, rebelled, forgot and strayed.

If I'm honest, I have to admit that this is my own history, too. As I look back over the last five years of motherhood--or over my entire life, in various circumstances where I have been discontent--I know that I have so often despised the pleasant land. God's Word not only says that children are a blessing, a heritage from Him...but it also says that He has set the boundary lines for me in pleasant places. Rather than adopting His perspective, choosing to see and give thanks, I have often been an Israelite, grumbling and complaining, running after idols, cowering in unbelieving fear. I have lacked faith in His promises to provide the grace I need, His promises that He has ordained my circumstances and is committed to my good.

May God have mercy on me and increase my faith--may He give me grace to remember, to see, to believe His promises--to love the pleasant land of motherhood that He has placed me in, knowing that although it is sometimes a land of trials, and I may sometimes think other lands look more appealing...it is a land He has brought me to in love and blessing, a land He says is pleasant--a land where He is PRESENT, and thus it is holy ground. Because of the cross, I can trust His love and know that "The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance" (Psalm 16:5-6).

 If you keep reading in Psalm 106, you find hope and mercy and grace there, too. God is good and His steadfast love endures forever...His mighty deeds are beyond naming or counting...even when His people rebel, He saves us and chooses to use us to make His mighty power known...He has saved us and will save us from the hand of the foe...He has redeemed us from the power of the enemy! He looks upon our distress--even when it is self-inflicted--He hears our cries and remembers His promises and treats us according to His steadfast love, not according to what our sins deserve.

Reminding my unbelieving self again tonight that I belong to a mighty and merciful God--one who didn't abandon the Israelites and who promises never to abandon me, despite all the times that I lack faith in His promises and despise the pleasant land.


[edited repost from the archives]

Monologue vs. Dialogue

"Oh, what joy for those
    whose rebellion is forgiven,
    whose sin is put out of sight!
Yes, what joy for those
    whose record the LORD has cleared of sin,
    whose lives are lived in complete honesty!
When I refused to confess my sin,
    I was weak and miserable,
    and I groaned all day long.
Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.
    My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
Finally I confessed all my sins to you
    and stopped trying to hide them.
I said to myself, 'I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.'
    And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone."
(Psalm 32:1-5, NLT)

Several times over the last few weeks, I've been brought back to the difference between mentally acknowledging something and talking to God about it. To think, "That was wrong; I shouldn't have done it" is NOT the same as to say, "Lord, I have sinned against You--please forgive me." To think, "I can't do this--it's too hard--I am so weak and desperate and inadequate; I know I really need God's help" is NOT the same as saying, "Father, help me! I can't do this on my own--I am weak and inadequate; I am desperate for Your grace!"

So often I operate with an inner monologue instead of a dialogue with the living God who SEES and CARES. I know what is true, but my posture is not toward God. I may be aware that I am helpless and in dire need of God's grace and strength, and yet I fail to actually bring my helplessness TO HIM and ASK Him for grace and strength.

Father, make me quick to confess our sin TO YOU. Not just quick to realize that I'm wrong and admit it in some generic way, but to actually run to You and confess and find forgiveness. I don't have to live under a constant burden of guilt--when I confess, You forgive me, and when You forgive, my guilt is gone! And when my guilt is gone, that's when joy comes. Deep joy is for those who have been set free--for those who have come to You and trusted You to cancel the record of their sin by nailing it to the cross (Col 2:14).

Multitude Monday, Take 259

Thanking God this week for...

4261. pretty aprons
4262. Google Maps
4263. the insane wealth of info at my fingertips online--from subway maps to bus schedules to street fair listings to box office hours to restaurant menus
4264. the way Elijah makes the lowercase "a" in his name
4265. the fact that last week was the first time I've ever taken Jude's temperature

4266. His using me even when I feel tired and empty
4267. Elijah's excitement about his new sneakers
4268. meals out of the freezer when I don't feel like cooking
4269. the family portrait Elijah drew at preschool--with two Judes
4270. errands during preschool = only one child to buckle in and out of his carseat a zillion times

4271. an umbrella stroller to keep Jude contained
4272. a long-overdue haircut
4273. Jude attempting to jump on the numbers like big brother
4274. the relief of a breeze
4275. Jude "helping" wipe down the shower

4276. all-natural homemade cleaner that Jude can spray safely
4277. opportunity to show hospitality to our church family
4278. delicious apples and cider from a local orchard
4279. Steve patiently listening to me ramble
4280. a relatively smooth first day teaching 3-4yo Sunday school

4281. our pastor's insights on the story of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5
4282. the example of the wife of one of our deacons: serving, serving, serving, constantly
4283. playing Candyland with Elijah is SO much more enjoyable than it used to be
4284. time to read and tickle and play This Little Piggy with Jude
4285. a beautiful article by a beloved former professor in my alumni magazine

4286. the book of Habakkuk
4287. Psalm 51
4288. Steve having the day off and being home with us today