Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Steve and Amy: A Love Story (Part 5)

[continued from part four // start here]

In May of our senior year, Steve and I went to prom together--just as friends, of course. In fact, Steve never officially asked me; over the space of several awkward and anxiety-filled weeks, it was just assumed that we were going to go together (the two of us; Kaleb and his girlfriend; plus Aaron with his date--Kaleb's cousin and my childhood best friend!). Thankfully it all worked out, and we had a blast--though I was equal parts thrilled to slow-dance with Steve, hurt that he didn't say a single thing about how I looked, and terrified that he would find out how I felt and be completely turned off. Oh, the teenage angst...

So, to recap: We were show choir partners, front and center with a dance solo in the spring show. We were romantic costars in the musical. We hung out together constantly. And we went to prom together. As you can imagine, people in our small town talked. It really seemed like at least once a week, someone was asking me if Steve and I were dating--or telling me that we *should* be dating!

It's worth noting at this point, though, that it was always the *three* of us. Kaleb, Steve and I were like the Three Musketeers. We were together all the time (which ended up hurting the girlfriend that would later become Kaleb's wife...I probably owe her a long-overdue apology for my complete insensitivity...she definitely knew that I was not a threat to her whatsoever, but I know our three-way friendship monopolized Kaleb's time and left her in the cold too often! SORRY Denise!!).

Steve and I really did not have a friendship apart from Kaleb. Steve and Kaleb, obviously, were best friends totally without me. And Kaleb and I could and did talk on the phone or hang out without Steve. But for whatever reason, Steve and I almost never spent any time together or talked without Kaleb around.

Anyway, we all graduated, and Steve and I even marched in and out together (as Steve Kannel and Amy Kaylor, we were always right next to each other in alphabetical order). The look on my face in this photo totally cracks me up...in that smile there is probably some degree of I'm walking with Steve! If only they were playing "The Wedding March" instead of "Pomp and Circumstance"! Haha.

Still, though, I was convinced we weren't supposed to be together at the time. I actually said to Julie at one point, "I don't want to date him now--I just want to marry him later!"

Kaleb, Steve and I had one last summer together before we went our separate ways for college. I was so worried about how our friendship might change when we were no longer living in the same town. I didn't know how I would survive without these two amazing guys who were my shoulders to cry on, my brothers in Christ, my partners in crime, the ones who kept me humble and kept me laughing. And I probably spent the summer overanalyzing everything Steve did and said, trying to figure out if there was any tiny grain of hope that he could care for me. (For the record: at this point, he had no feelings for or interest in me whatsoever.)

One time that summer Kaleb actually asked us, separately, if we could see ourselves ending up with each other! He refused to tell me what Steve said--and I evaded giving him a real answer. Of course, my unwillingness to answer was in itself the answer...

Come August, Steve left for the University of Cincinnati, and I moved to Marion, Indiana, to attend Indiana Wesleyan University. Kaleb stayed home to attend a community college and continue working. Could our friendship survive that distance? And what would happen when all the girls in Cincinnati fell all over Steve--because of course they would; how could they not, when he was so amazing? I could hardly bear to think about it.

[to be continued]


Cathym said...

I love your blog Amy! It is really full of memories passionately coveyed!

emily said...

i have loved reading your story!! so precious!!
i love your blog ... sweet words of truth and encouragement. :)

Zoanna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zoanna said...

The plot thickens. ;)