Things I Learned in March and April

HOW is it that time again already?

I missed March, so here's a roundup of two months' worth of random things I learned. (Thanks as always for the inspiration, Emily!)

1. Steve doesn't really like the Psalms.
What in the actual what? This earth-shattering information came to my attention in a discussion around the table with our small group. One of the other guys said he doesn't like them either. They were lamenting being in Psalms for their daily reading...my eyes about fell out of my head. How can you "not care for" PSALMS?!?! Does. Not. Compute. This did, at least, lead to an edifying conversation in which we rejoiced that God gave us a wide variety of Scripture to enjoy, knowing that some parts would speak best to some personalities and other parts would speak more loudly to others. (But seriously. How can you not like Psalms?)

2. I can buy my own birthday flowers. 
Once upon a time I believed the entire world should revolve around me on March 18 each year. Turns out I am growing up. I have learned to lower my birthday expectations and embrace what comes, rather than getting worked up about what *doesn't* come. Flowers just aren't a thing Steve does. He's got a million other strengths; bouquets aren't one of them. I went to Kroger a few days after my birthday and realized, you know what? There is nothing stopping me from spending ten bucks and treating myself to birthday flowers. Plus, then I can get exactly what I like. (If only I knew how to arrange them...)

3. Daffodil is the common name for all flowers in the Narcissus genus. 
All jonquils are daffodils. But not all daffodils are jonquils. And buttercups have nothing to do with any of these. OK, so I didn't actually *learn* this--I'm sure I won't remember any of it--but it was interesting nonetheless. Bottom line: daffodil =/= buttercup, and those yellow and white flowers along the side of the road in early spring are NOT buttercups.

4. I, the champion speller, was misspelling two words. 
I probably would have sworn to you it was "miniscule" until I saw this tweet:

Oops! I misspelled "minuscule" in my column today. Fixed online, still there in print http://t.co/KgrnDNe1yv But it's a minuscule error.
— Nicholas Kristof (@NickKristof) April 12, 2015

Somehow around that same time I discovered that "benefited" does not have two Ts. What?! I would have also fought you over insisting it was "benefitted." The single T actually *still* looks wrong to me.

5. The first major genocide of the 20th century was 25 years before the Holocaust. 
April 24 is known as Armenian Remembrance Day, because on April 24, 1915, Ottoman Turks killed more than 200 Armenian intellectuals in Istanbul. More than a million were killed in 1915-16. It seems that pretty much all unbiased scholars confirm this was indeed genocide, but the Turkish government rejects the term and has scathing denouncements for anyone else who attempts to use it (which has caused some controversy as President Obama apparently called it genocide years ago and promised to do as president, but has not actually lived up to that declaration).

In fact, "the man who coined the word genocide, Raphael Lemkin, was thinking of the killings of Armenians in what is now Turkey when he created it." Alarmingly, there's also an infamous Hitler quote regarding this: In 1939, defending his decision to invade Poland and describing his genocidal intentions, Hitler said, "Who, after all, speaks today of the annihilation of the Armenians?"

As a direct result of the 1915 genocide, Armenians are one of the world's most dispersed peoples. I had never before heard of any of this until now, the 100th anniversary. More information can be found here: Q&A: Armenian Genocide Dispute

6. If you rearrange the letters in "Presbyterians" you get "Britney Spears."
This little tidbit came from my favorite writing professor, who retired this month--she posted a photo on Facebook of a note she'd gotten from former students long ago, "Things We Learned from Mary Brown," and this was on the list. Ha!

7. Two words: Roasted Broccoli. 
As Jude's adorable little friend would say, "Oh My M. G." I could polish off an entire pound of broccoli cooked this way, all by myself. I first got the recipe here, where it's referred to as Crack Broccoli (it really is that good). My favorite cooking blog, Smitten Kitchen, also posted a recipe for "crispy broccoli" just this week. But I think that it can be simpler than either of these recipes.

Contrary to the Crack Broccoli recipe's insistence, the 1/2 teaspoon of sugar is *totally* unnecessary and should be omitted. The salt called for is also way too high (and that's coming from someone who LOVES salty things) and you really don't need to go up to 500 degrees (I'm feeling a little sensitive about super-high oven heat since cracking my favorite stoneware last weekend...plus who wants a 500 degree oven in the summer?). Smitten Kitchen uses a lower temp, but all kinds of unnecessary ingredients. All you really need is a pound of broccoli, 3 T melted butter (I don't think EVOO is  advisable at high temps) and 1/2 tsp kosher salt. Toss and roast at 425-450 for about 10-15 minutes or until nice and brown. Devour.

A related sub-lesson: You're supposed to peel broccoli. Who knew? I never did it before. But the outer layer of the stem really is woody and tough, and the broccoli gets much more tender (tenderer?) if you peel it off. Doesn't matter much when you're eating it raw or steaming it to death, but for this you'll want to take the extra step.


Head over to Chatting at the Sky for more fun and fascinating randomness!

How to Make Last Names Plural or Possessive

We're almost to that wonderful time of year when mailboxes fill up with lovely Christmas cards. I hope you'll include a family photo and send one to me--I love to cover my refrigerator with the faces of our family and friends!

In the meantime, please allow me to indulge my inner Grammar Nerd and pass along a few helpful tips for writing last names on cards or personalized gifts. Last names can be tricky to make plural or possessive--especially if the name ends in "s." We get easily confused because surnames like "Brooks" or "Woods" sound like they are already plural. So we leave them as-is, thinking the "s" on the end will suffice, resulting in phrasing like:

• "Pray for the Woods." (Which "Woods"? THE Woods--meaning Tiger Woods?)
• "We're having the Brooks over for dinner." (Just Garth, by himself? You're on a last-name-as-nickname basis with him?)

Some people, realizing that doesn't feel quite right, will try to fix it by throwing in an apostrophe:

• "Pray for the Woods' "
• "We're having the Brook's over for dinner."

But making a name plural should never, ever involve an apostrophe.  JUST SAY NO to unnecessary apostrophes.

It may look or sound strange. But you always add "s" or "es" to last names to make them plural--even if those names already end with "s". So we would write:

• "Pray for the Woodses."
• "We're having the Brookses over for dinner."

If this feels too awkward, there is an easy way out: Just add the word "family"!

• "Pray for the Woods family."
• "We're having the Brooks family over for dinner."

Problem solved.

On the other hand, what if you *are* referring to something the family owns? What if, for example, you want to invite people to the house that belongs to the Williams family?

It's not just one Williams who lives in the house. You have to make the name plural before adding the possessive. So it's not "the Williams' house," but rather "the Williamses' house" or simply "the Williamses'."

Again, remember: the safe solution is to change it to "the Williams family's house"  or "the home of the Williams family."

Keep in mind, the same rules apply for names that don't end in "s"--always add an S for plurals and  never add an apostrophe unless referring to a possessive:

• Merry Christmas from the Johnsons!
• Happy New Year from the Martinezes!
• You're invited to a party at the Johnsons' house!
• The Martinezes' house is beautiful.

And in case you were wondering, names that end in "y" don't change spelling as other y-ending words do:

• Happy Holidays from the Kennedys!
• The Kennedys' dog is cute.

There you have it. I hope this helps someone out there preparing Christmas cards or personalized Christmas gifts for family and friends!

More on the topic from anal-retentive like-minded grammarians: 
Grammar Lesson: Last Names That End in S
How to Make Family Names Plural

Things I Learned in April

I learned so much in April. Where to start?

1. A smartphone app can actually enhance, rather than distract from, your prayer life. I've been using PrayerMate for a few weeks now and have really found it helpful. It took me a little while to get subjects and details entered, but once I got going, I thought it was great. It organizes individual prayer "cards" under "categories" like family, church, global missions, personal holiness, etc. (all totally customizable). I love how you can easily add photos to the cards and text or email the person you're praying for from within the app. I have really struggled to be consistent with intercession, but this is helping.

2. Cars are deadly machines--and I am not invincible. Though the boys and I were unharmed in our early-April wreck, I was shaken. It was a wake-up call, in terms of how quickly an accident can happen and how careless I'd become. Sure, I don't text while driving (and if you do, PLEASE STOP), but how many other distracting behaviors do I excuse? And how much worse could our accident have been if I'd been doing one at the time? I've been driving more cautiously, and paying closer attention. I feel more nervous on the road than I ever did before. 

3. On a related note, some engineer at Britax deserves a HUGE raise. Our insurance company replaced our carseats after the accident (here's why), and we discovered that Britax had redesigned Elijah's harness-to-booster seat since we bought it a couple of years ago. Their new ClickTight technology is seriously GENIUS. It's a game-changer. I hope other companies follow suit; it makes secure installation quick, easy and foolproof. (Don't forget: your child's seat should not move more than *one inch* from side to side at the belt path. This is another super-common carseat usage mistake--check your kids' seats!)

4. Also related (OK, this is not technically something I learned but I am putting it here in hopes that maybe it will become something YOU learned), I now firmly believe more than ever in investing in a good carseat and taking advantage of available safety technology beyond what is strictly "required" by law. Please, don't turn your kids around too soon, and don't put them in boosters too soon. Rearfacing is five times safer, and bigger kids need to pass the five-step test before they are truly ready for a booster, no matter what height or weight they are.

5. Dawn + vinegar + water works amazingly to clean the shower. A while back I recommended Magic Eraser for soap scum, which I still heartily endorse, but was recently complaining to a friend how difficult it is to get our textured shower floor clean. She shared this recipe: a swirl of Dawn, then fill the spray bottle the rest of the way with half vinegar, half water. Spray it down, then (this part is key, I think) walk away and let it work for a while. When I came back maybe 10-20 minutes later, it took way less elbow grease to scrub the floor than it usually requires!

6. Forget beans and rice; my new favorite is beans and slaw. Specifically, the black bean ragout in The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook with this super-simple lime cilantro slaw. I was first introduced to the idea in that link, where SK pairs beans, slaw and feta in a tortilla. Finding that surprisingly delicious, I soon concluded: apart from the tortilla and cheese, why not use the slaw with the beans as a side dish instead of the typical beans-and-rice? I love the fresh, crunchy, tangy, bright flavor against the rich, smoky beans. And it's a perfect way to get some more veggies in Mexican meals that can sometimes be low on them.

7. Haven't tried this yet, but I totally will the next time I buy cherry/grape tomatoes: How to Cut a Dozen Cherry Tomatoes in Half All At Once. Genius.

8. The reason most climbers attempt to summit Mount Everest in May: for the rest of the year, winds can exceed 100mph at the top. Sometimes they're faster than hurricane wind speeds. I discovered this little tidbit after the tragic deaths of the Sherpas prompted me to do some googling and I wound up on a rabbit trail of reading about climbing Everest.

What about you--what did you learn last month?

Things I Learned in September

I'm joining up with Chatting at the Sky again to give you a list of things I learned this month. The first and most important lessons were literally burned into my brain a couple of weeks ago...

1. Always, always make sure you double-check which burner you turn on.
2. Don't put flammable things on the stovetop, even on a burner that's not supposed to be hot.

YIKES! There were actual flames in my kitchen. Pretty scary. My firefighter brother will probably disown me if he hears about this. No harm done to anything but my recipe binder, thankfully (and the recipes themselves weren't ruined; the plastic sleeves just fused together along the top), but the house smelled like smoke and melted plastic all day. I am working hard to break the terrible habit of setting my cookbook, potholders, etc. on the stove when I'm out of counter space.

3. You can make green eggs and ham with kale (or spinach or chard). Your children will make faces and ask for yellow eggs. There may even be tears. You'll be all "You do not like them, so you say. Try them! Try them, and you may. Try them and you may, I say!" You may find yourself making up your own lines: "I will eat them at the table, and I will eat them with Aunt Mabel! I will eat them with my boys. I will eat them with my toys!" When you and your kids finally try them, you will be relieved to discover that you cannot actually taste the kale at all. Your six-year-old might just proclaim, "Say! I like green eggs and ham! I do! I like them, Sam-I-Am!" And you might get a smile like this, and a request for more green eggs and ham the next day :)

4. Instead of those third-wheel bike trailers for little ones learning to ride, you can buy a simple bar that uses the same principle but converts a regular bike. It's called a Trail-Gator, and the great thing about it is, once you've installed it on the adult bike, you can easily attach or detach the kid's bike without tools. That means you can tow your child for a while, let them ride on their own for a while, then re-attach when they get tired. It also fits kids' bikes from 12-20 inches. Jude loves it. It was pretty pricey, but it was cheaper than the third-wheel style, and it's the kind of thing we should be able to resell pretty easily when we're done with it. Now to find a bike for Mama...

What have you learned lately? 

Things I Learned in August

Linking up with Chatting at the Sky again this month for a miscellaneous roundup of lessons I learned...

1. You should show your excitement instead of playing it cool, because you never know what will happen when you do. After visiting my brother earlier this month, the boys and I went to spend the day with a dear friend of mine, and our route took us to the Valley View Ferry--the oldest continually operating ferry in the country.

 

I'd been across once before, but the boys had never seen a ferry of any kind. So that morning, I rolled the car windows down, and when the friendly operator said, "Good morning? How are y'all doing this morning?" I said, "Great! The boys have never been on a ferry before, so we're excited!" He then invited them to get out of the car and drive the ferry. And I don't just mean he let them sit in his captain's chair long enough to take pictures--I mean, they were sitting and turning the wheel and the next thing I knew, we were traveling across the river! Made our morning. So fun.

 

2. Kohl's has really amazing customer service. I bought a pair of Reebok running shoes last month to replace a pair that were several years old and had worn through the lining in both heels. Unfortunately, the new Reeboks proved to be really uncomfortable; they had less cushioning than the pair they were replacing! But since I'd worn them outside once, I figured I wouldn't be able to return them. Still, I knew Kohl's had a really liberal return policy, so I decided to check with their customer service department just in case. I immediately got the response that yes, I could return the shoes, even though I'd worn them a few times, no problem. So I did, and got my money back. No questions asked. How generous is that?

3. Electric burners get hot really quickly. I turned one on a few weeks ago and then noticed it wasn't sitting right. I figured it couldn't be that hot yet, so I stupidly used my index finger to try to push it down into position, and promptly got maybe the worst burn I've ever had, a giant blister on the pad of my right index finger. OW.

4. My new favorite ice cream flavor is Turkey Hill's "Double Dunker." I bought it for Elijah's birthday because of its irresistible description that included three of my favorite additions to ice cream: coffee, cookie dough and Oreos. Mocha ice cream with cookie dough bits and crunchy chocolate cookie streaks? Yes please. (For the record, their straight up Columbian Coffee flavor is also excellent--and with chocolate chips thrown in, makes a satisfying, much cheaper substitute for Starbucks' Java Chip.)

5. You really don't need shortening for a successful pie crust. I didn't have enough to make my usual recipe, so I gave Smitten Kitchen's "All Butter, Really Flaky Pie Crust" a whirl. It was indeed "really flaky"--and now I know I don't have to go out of my way to find the expensive non-hydrogenated shortening I was buying just for pie crust.

6. If you are going to cook bacon in the oven, for heaven's sake, don't turn the temperature all the way up to 425. Or if you do, don't set the timer for 15 minutes and walk away. Is there any kitchen mishap more tragic than charred bacon? I learn these things so you don't have to. (I am, however, a HUGE fan of cooking bacon in the oven. I hate standing over a skillet of bacon, babysitting and flipping, yelping at painful grease spatters, repeatedly having to add more raw bacon and then wash my hands again.)

What did you learn this month? Check out Emily's post for a whole slew of other bloggers sharing lessons learned in August.

High Five for Friday

Inspired by Robin, who was inspired by From My Grey Desk, five quick highlights from the past week...

1. A sleepover with my college roommate. So. much. fun. I've seen her about twice a year since I graduated, but it's usually just a quick visit over dinner, a couple of hours at most. This time she took me to the restaurant where she works, and we enjoyed a fabulous Italian meal. Then we went back to her apartment and spent hours talking, crying, giggling and reminiscing. Stayed up till 12:30 and then got to enjoy more time to chat over breakfast in the morning. Loved it. Love her.

2. Girls' night out with my two best friends from high school. Love seeing these two a couple of times a year and picking right back up where we left off. Getting together over pizza subs from my favorite local place makes it even better.

3. Another dear friend from high school (Kaleb, whom you'll be hearing about in the second installment of my Love Story series) spending several hours serving and blessing my family with his talents, energy and enthusiasm.

4. The happy discovery that the "old comforters" my parents kept talking about needing to get rid of were actually antique quilts hand-stitched by my great-grandmother!

5. Laughing out loud over papers and notes from elementary school and junior high.

How about you: what moments were bright spots in your Thanksgiving week?

Photographic Evidence of the Awkwardness

T-minus 16 minutes and I don't have any drafts close enough to be able to finish them before midnight. So, for your daily laugh, I present to you...me. and Steve. in middle school--circa 1994.

I can't believe I am actually posting this...

Wow. Just...wow. I mean, what are you going to say besides, "Bless her heart." That is really a face only a mother could love.

Thank You, Lord, for contact lenses, and braces, and learning to do my hair (believe it or not this was actually GOOD hair...because this was post-growing-out-the-mullet...oh yes I did have a mullet). And thank You for giving Steve a growth spurt...

I can't just leave you with that one. OY. Here we are on our way to our senior prom: 

Unlike middle school, these were actually good times...but it's way more fun now, when Steve actually *knows* that I love him, and loves me back, and I'm not overanalyzing his every move and hyperventilating because prom is almost over and we haven't even gotten to have one single slow dance together... (I never did tell you that whole long story, did I?)

But oh, the days when those were my biggest problems :)

Snippets

Browsing through my drafts folder, I found a half-finished meme from a year ago. Seems like the week for randomness--why not? Sunday Snippets on a Friday night, with questions courtesy of Zoanna.

1. What is one thing you really look forward to every day?
Steve walking in the door after a day of work. I love the excitement on Elijah's face and in Elijah's voice when Daddy comes home, the way he comes running to get a hug and a kiss. I love the way Jude hears the back door open and frantically crawls toward the kitchen, or throws himself backwards if he's in the baby carrier, writhing to get out and get in Daddy's arms. And I love getting a hug and a kiss myself :)

2. What is one of your good habits?
Giving thanks. Whoever got me started on "Thankful Thursdays" a few years ago did a beautiful thing...then Ann Voskamp has kicked it up a few notches, especially with inspiring me to keep a visual homemaking journal on my kitchen counter where I scribble lists of gifts throughout each day. Would you believe I am up to 8700 since I started counting a couple of years ago?!

3. What is one of your bad habits?
Picking at and chewing my cuticles. I just can't stop, no matter how many times I've tried. And now Elijah has picked it up--URGH!

4. How does your place in the birth order affect you, positively and negatively?
I'm the classic female firstborn, bossy and opinionated :P Which is in a lot of ways negative, but has also developed qualities in me like responsibility and leadership and such.

5. What is something you really admire about your best friend?
She adores her husband and is committed to only speaking well of him to others. I remember having conversations with her before we were married about how she hated to hear other women at beauty salons and various places having these man-bashing sessions and complaining about their husbands. She vowed that she wouldn't do that--and as far as I know, through eight years of marriage, she has kept that resolution. I love the way she respects and builds up her husband!

6. Do you prefer baking or cooking?
I really like both--which is in itself a huge testimony to the grace of God. Maybe baking best, just because I have such an incurable sweet tooth :)

7. What was the most embarrassing thing you've done lately?
While I was in Ohio spending time with my mom, we stopped at a gas station one morning to grab drinks. She stayed in the car and I ran inside. When I came out, distracted, I headed straight for the nearest car. It was similar in color and style to my mom's car...but when I opened the passenger door, I was greeted by a surprised old man who said, "Wrong car!" I was mortified as I apologized and hurried around to my mom's car parked right beside it. My mom was laughing so hard she was crying.

8. What is one thing you'd like to accomplish in the next year?
Plan and execute a women's retreat for the beautiful ladies at our church. With help, of course--in fact, our planning committee is meeting tomorrow afternoon.

9. What is something you'll pay "good money" for?
A baby carrier. I don't know how any parent survives without babywearing--and a GOOD carrier makes all the difference. The one that gets the most use at our house these days (Jude is on my back daily, sometimes multiple times a day if he's particularly cranky) is the Boba.

10. What was something that made you laugh today?
Elijah, talking with Daddy in the car on the way home from hanging out with friends tonight: "Daddy, you can sleep at my house."
Steve: "No, actually you get to sleep at my house."
Elijah: "Um, actuawy, it's mines house."

Eighteen Inches Lighter

My hair grows super fast. And contrary to popular belief, in my experience long hair has been much easier. And I think I've gotten one short haircut in my life that I actually liked. And I don't have a stylist here in Tennessee, and with long hair you don't have to pay for regular haircuts anyway, never mind lining up a babysitter to go to an appointment. So...after my last short haircut in 2006, my hair just sort of grew. And grew. And grew.

I sort of figured I might as well let it keep growing, and donate it--which I did the last time it got this long, when I was a sophomore in college. Then several months ago, my college roommate told me about Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program. Unlike the famous Locks of Love, which is for children's wigs, Beautiful Lengths provides wigs for adult women with cancer. My roommate, Stephanie, was particularly interested in this because her mom died of breast cancer when Stephanie was 15.

I never had the privilege of meeting Renee Longbrake, because I didn't meet Stephanie until a few years later. But over the years Stephanie and I lived together, I came to know her secondhand, and love her. I found that although it inevitably brought tears all around, Stephanie loved to be asked about her mom and have the opportunity to share her memories. As a result, I have many bittersweet memories of my own, of late nights in our dorm/townhouse, listening to stories about Renee and thinking how I couldn't wait to meet her in Heaven someday.

On Saturday, it was finally time for a haircut. I splurged on an appointment at a really nice salon, in hopes that you get what you pay for. I have never had my hair this short in my LIFE (excepting the kindergarten pixie cut my mom chose before the infamous mullet...), and it's definitely going to take some getting used to...but I think I like it. And I think it's going to be reasonably low-maintenance, which was hugely important to me. So without further ado: I walked out of the salon with this haircut...

...and an 18-inch ponytail, ready to send off to Beautiful Lengths...
in honor/memory of Renee Longbrake.
[Love you, Roommate.]

You Ask, I'll Answer

Anna at Hope Road did a Q&A post recently, and I thought it looked like a fun idea. So here's your open invitation: What have you been wanting to ask me? I'll try to be transparent, though I'll reserve the right not to answer a question, just in case...because it's my blog :)

I can't reply directly to comments in a nested style--so rather than letting the comments section get all disorganized with my answers, I'll copy and paste questions, along with my answers, in the body of this post as they come in.

Ask away!
************
Whew, you all ask good, hard questions! I'll try to get to them over the next couple of days. (And I'm still open to more/follow-up questions, if you're late getting to this!)

Zoanna asked: What is one character trait you really admire in other people that you don't possess?
I really admire people who have a gift for drawing others out and making them feel at ease. I'm not sure if that exactly qualifies as a "character trait"--but it's one of the first things that comes to mind.

What is one trait that you have seen God develop in you that you once lacked faith for ever seeing?
Submissiveness. If you could have seen the little elementary school kid who bossed all her friends to death, or the middle schooler who was determined to be the first woman president...you would find it quite astounding that I currently hold the views on gender that I do :) Even my husband lacked faith for seeing this in me before we started dating--in fact it was one of the biggest hesitations he had in pursuing me (not realizing how much I had changed while in college). God had graciously brought a lot of change to my heart in the area of submission after high school, and He continues to grow me in joyful submission to my husband's leadership.

Melita asked: If you were given the power to erase just one world problem (excluding sin itself) which would you choose and why? (war, hunger, disease, natural disasters, illiteracy, poverty, etc)
Whew! I feel like it's cheating to pick poverty--but it seems like if you picked that one, you'd end up eradicating (or at least lessening the impact of) a lot of the others (hunger, disease, natural disasters, even illiteracy). I guess it depends on how you define poverty--if according to When Helping Hurts, the great book I read a few months ago, I get a four-in-one power for erasing material poverty plus poverty of self, poverty of relationships and even spiritual poverty :)

Anna asked: What are you most looking forward to about having two children? And what are you most afraid of?
I look forward to seeing the relationship between my children blossom. I have friends whose kids really delight in each other and have a lot of fun together. I hope Elijah and his little sibling will have that kind of relationship even as young kids, and that it will grow into a lifelong friendship. I also look forward to what our family will look like many years from now--lively conversations around the dinner table and that sort of thing. To be honest, what motivates me to have more children is not this season of infancy/toddlerhood, but looking ahead 10 years (or more) and thinking about what I want our family to look like.

As far as what I fear, it has less to do with having two children and more to do with experiencing "having a baby" again--labor and delivery, the sleep deprivation, the inexplicable crying (both mine and the baby's!)...I fear that the arrival of baby #2 will reveal that I haven't changed much in the last three years after all, that I am still selfishly unwilling to love and serve sacrificially.

Laura asked: At what point in your relationship did you and your husband start talking about finances to see if you were on the same page? ...It's such a private topic for most people yet so central to a healthy marriage.
I'm not really sure, to be honest. I know it was definitely a topic of discussion during our engagement, as we read books like Preparing for Marriage and The Most Important Year in a Man's/Woman's Life. But by that time (when you're already engaged) it's probably not going to be a dealbreaker, even if you are vastly different in how you handle money--and you're right, it's a source of struggle for a lot of couples.

Unfortunately I don't think I have much helpful advice here, because Steve and I were (are) blessed to be very much on the same page with money. We don't have that dynamic where one of us is a compulsive shopper and the other is a tightwad. Both of us learned from parents who used money wisely and we came into marriage with responsibility and understanding of how to handle finances. So thankfully, this hasn't been an area of conflict in our marriage.

I think you can probably get a sense of how a prospective mate handles money just by observation, without intentional conversations--is he generous? Does he seem to live above his means? Is he always buying things? Those types of questions.

One thing I do think is really important is to carefully consider any debt you take on as a single woman, and to do everything in your power to pay it off as quickly as possible. I've seen a lot of couples where one or both partners enters the marriage with a lot of debt, and that affects the decisions they make about work and having kids--they end up needing two incomes not to maintain a certain standard of living, but to pay their bills. The more you can get a handle on your own finances now and avoid/pay off debt, the more you will bless your future husband AND yourself down the road!

Not sure if I've really answered that question or just rambled about related things ;) Feel free to ask a follow-up, especially if you want to clarify "on the same page about finances."

Ali asked: What kind of camera would you recommend?
I use a Nikon D50, and I love it. It was discontinued a few years ago, though, and replaced by the D40, which has now (I think) been replaced by the D5000. This is an entry-level SLR. It takes great photos with automatic settings if you have no idea what you're doing, but also allows you the freedom (and danger) of tinkering with settings if you're trying to learn about photography and shoot more manually.

The person using the camera definitely matters...I know people (Melita above, for example) who get way better shots than I do with a basic point and shoot camera, because they have an eye and know what they're doing :) But the camera absolutely helps. One of the main reasons I upgraded to an SLR is because it's SO much faster than a point and shoot. Especially with kids, by the time you push the button and the camera finally takes the picture, they're no longer making the face! Not so with an SLR. I also like that I can shoot without flash in low light. Turning off your flash (or bouncing it off the ceiling) is one of the most important things you can do to get better pictures. (I don't have an external flash, but I use a Lightscoop to bounce my built-in flash and it makes a world of difference!)

Anyway, I'm extremely happy with my Nikon D50 and would buy it again without hesitation, but I can't speak personally about the models that have replaced it. I do know that the 40 and the 5000 don't autofocus with the lens I use 90% of the time, the 50mm f/1.8 - so that would be a problem for me, because it's a great little lens and CHEAP (as far as lenses go). Then again, I have trouble with autofocus on that lens, too...so who knows. One site I like for photography info and reviews/recommendations is KenRockwell.com.

All that said (and I have photographer friends who read my blog and know WAY more about all this than me--so maybe they will weigh in in the comments!)...I would love to get one of those tiny pocket-sized point-and-shoots, like a Canon ELPH. The one major downside to my SLR is that it's big and bulky. It's not very practical to always carry with me--I can't just stick it in my purse or diaper bag--and a good photographer would *always* have a camera with her :)

Why "Lavender *Sparkles*"?

I'm sort of surprised the question doesn't come up more. Lavender *Sparkles* is, after all, an unusual name for a blog. And this blog doesn't seem to have anything to do with lavender OR sparkles...in fact the layout isn't even purple, let alone sparkly. I'm like the blog version of Grape-Nuts.

But Zoanna asked a couple of weeks ago where my blog title came from. So here's the explanation (or lack thereof). I hate to disappoint you, but there's no real, logical reason for this crazy title. I'm absolutely terrible at titling, always have been. My favorite writing professor in college once drew a sad face next to a particularly terrible essay title. Truly.

When I started this blog, way back in November 2003, I wanted a unique title. No offense to anyone in particular...but I didn't want to call my blog "Random Musings" or any variation of that, even though that was the first, natural thing that came to mind. It seemed lame, and I wanted to be a little more original.

Lavender *Sparkles* was sort of a trademark/joke of mine back in the summer of 2002, when I was traveling from youth camp to camp on an IWU ministry team. Somewhere along the way--I can't remember now who got me started doing this--I began using a crazy lisp for fun (think "Sid the Sloth," if you've ever seen Ice Age). Just college students being silly.

Anyway, at one camp, everyone was divided into "family groups," and the groups were labeled by color. Their name tags hung on colored ribbons. All but one of them were the typical colors: blue, red, green, orange, etc. And then there was a sparkly light purple. For reasons I can't even explain, we all got a big kick out of saying, "Lavender SPARKLES!" in that silly lisp voice.

So I don't know if I had recently looked at my camp scrapbook back in November 2003, or what was going through my head. But somehow I had the flash of stupidity inspiration that instead of "Random Musings and Thoughts by Amy" I could call my blog "Lavender *Sparkles*". It's an improvement, right? Right?

I've thought about changing it many, many times since then...but I just can't come up with anything better. The best I've been able to do is come up with an ever-so-slightly related tag line ("shine like a star"...sparkles...get it?...ok, never mind).

I so admire the creative, meaningful blog titles others invent. There are the phrases from quotes or song lyrics (Chatting at the Sky), the clever people who play on their name (The Mental Ward), the people who are good at interesting turns of phrase (Just Another Pretty Farce). Then there are a few blogs who have ordinary titles, but their content is so good, you don't care--or the title is intentionally tongue-in-cheek, or deeper than it appears at first glance (Amy's Humble Musings, ordinary mother).

And then there's me. Pretty much the only thing I've got going for me is "unique." So although I feel a little sheepish and ridiculous about it, until inspiration strikes, Lavender *Sparkles* it is. In the meantime, I am absolutely open to brilliant suggestions.


[photo: from my summer 2002 scrapbook, me with the camper, Audra, who bought me a Lavender Sparkles pen she found at a gift shop--and a sampling of that infamous ribbon]

Where to Buy Cello Silke Pens

or, "The Story of a Crazy Woman and Her Pen Obsession, Part 2"

I really didn't want to give the pen back. So at first I rationalized. It's a *pen.* Surely Elijah's teacher didn't even miss it. She probably isn't crazy like me, doesn't have a pen obsession. And, in all honesty, I wouldn't even think about it when she was here anyway. Then I started to feel convicted. It was just a little pen, but it was stealing, really, and I needed to return it.

In the meantime, I was a woman on a mission. I HAD to find more of these pens. And buy a lifetime supply.

The first logical place to look was Google, of course. But a search of "Cello Silke pens" yielded only a handful of Wiki answers pages telling me what I already knew: that this cheap little stick pen was awesome. One page said the pens were available at Walmart, but that was over a year ago, and my local Walmart didn't have them.

I searched and searched. What kind of 21st century company doesn't have a website? If they had one, it wasn't coming up. I'd never heard of the brand--and neither had Office Depot, Staples or Office Max (yes, I actually went so far as to call each one and ask if they carried or could somehow order these pens).

Finally I got somewhere: Cello is an Indian company, apparently not savvy in things like search engine optimization. I excitedly flipped through the product list on their website...no Silke. No Silke by another name, even. Rats.

So this is my crazy pen obsession: I actually emailed the company. I asked them if they still made the Silke, and how I could get my hot little hands on more of those fabulous pens.

The very next day, I got an email from a nice man named Kapil:

The Cello Silke is now available in Big Lot stores under the name Cello Smooth as well as in Office Depot stores under their own brand name. In Office Depot too it is available in blister packs of 24 under SKU# 788685 and SKU# 788700.

Jackpot. I can be at Big Lots in five minutes.

OK, I'm not THAT crazy. I didn't immediately jump in the car and take off. I retrieved my toddler and strapped him into his carseat first.

KIDDING, I'm kidding. But before long, I dropped the best two bucks I ever spent on pens, for a beautiful 20-pack of Cello Smooth pens. They aren't as cute as the purple one, but otherwise, they're identical. I have one clipped to my journal and one permanently on the kitchen counter, one in my purse, one in my sermon-notes notebook...a drawer full of extras...and 40 more in the closet. Oh yes I did go back and buy two more packs.


You'll be relieved to know I also confessed my theft to Elijah's teacher, and gave her back her pen plus a couple of new ones.

So, if you care about pens even half as much as I do (probably none of you are nearly this neurotic), head to Big Lots and get yourself a 20-pack of Cello Smooth pens for $2.00. (I cannot vouch for the Office Depot ones. I checked there out of curiosity a few days later...they did not look the same.)

Mystery solved. And I am once again a happy (if slightly insane) writer.

The Story of a Crazy Woman and Her Pen Obsession

So. A few weeks ago, Elijah's early intervention teacher left her pen at our house. It was just a basic stick pen (though a pretty purple color); I didn't think much of it.

Until I started using it.

This. pen. is. awesome.


See, I have this thing about pens. I have kept a journal very consistently since I was about 12. So I do a whole lot of writing--and when you write a lot, you tend to care a little more than the average person about your pen. Anne Shirley understands what I mean, even if you think I'm a little nuts.

I've gone through various favorite-pen phases...for a while it was the skinny blue-ink Papermate pens, white with a blue cap. I hated how they glopped ink occasionally, but they wrote so nicely otherwise, and the cap was so great for chewing (I know, ew...I outgrew that habit). Then it was black-ink Bic pens--again, just the basic stick pen. I've used and enjoyed more expensive pens, but when you go through them like I do, who wants to drop the big bucks?

Then a while back I got this idea that I wanted BROWN pens. Why is it always blue or black? I like brown. And I didn't want a brown marker; I wanted a brown ballpoint pen. Lo and behold, UPS makes brown pens--two different varieties, and both are prevalent on eBay. So I ordered a whole box of 100. I'm not a fan. The brown is fun, but they just don't write smoothly.

Anyway, I digress. (Surprise, surprise.) For a while now I've mostly been trying to be frugal and clean out the giant collection of random pens Steve and I have amassed over the years. Instead of being choosy, I'm just using up one pen after another. Most have just been average; some have been particularly crappy.

And then I got a hold of this pen. Oh, Cello Silke, how I love you.

I can't believe I'm going to write two posts about pens...but I've gone off rambling, and now this one is too long already. That's just how crazy I am. Tomorrow: My ridiculous quest to get my hands on more of these pens--and how you, too, can own the world's best stick pen.

Yep, That's the One

A recent conversation that made me laugh, in which Steve swiftly summarizes one of the dumbest books I've ever read:

me: "This book is really interesting. It's written as though The Great Gatsby was nonfiction."
Steve: [blank look] "The Great Gatsby?"
me: "Remember, we read it in high school?"
Steve: "Oh, yeah." [pause] "Isn't that the one with the giant yellow car? ...And everybody was always sweaty."

(I do have to admit, reading The Double Bind sort of made me want to go back and reread Gatsby--maybe I would appreciate it more now than I did when I was 17. But I sure thought it was incredibly stupid back then.)

The Morning After

I think one of the worst times to be a woman is the morning after a haircut.

A friend of mine watched Elijah for a couple of hours yesterday afternoon so I could go get a long-overdue haircut. Nothing too drastic, but I did finally take the plunge and have the stylist cut the "swoopy bangs" I've been thinking about trying for years now. You know the kind--where the part is way down low and they swoop across your forehead? I like how that looks, but I'm always hesitant to try something new. I didn't know if it would work with my hair texture, and I can't stand having my hair in my eyes...plus I just don't like to fuss with my hair, period.

Anyway, after some fussing, the stylist got the swoopy bangs to look like what I had in mind, and I even sprung for the expensive salon product to get them to stay that way myself. The test, of course, was post-shower this morning...

Um, yeah. The bangs are currently held back with a barrette. My attempt to swoop them was disastrous.

What Sleep Deprivation Will Do to You

Thought you might enjoy starting the weekend with a laugh at my expense...

This morning before Steve left for work, he said, "Do you remember asking me a strange question in the middle of the night last night?" I started to giggle, because I vaguely remembered an exchange, but asked, "What did I say?" Apparently I asked him, "After you changed him (Elijah), what did you do with the thingy?"

Steve of course had no idea what I was talking about, so he said, "What? What thingy?" I fumbled for the right word--unable to find it in my sleep fog--and got very impatient. "You know! The thingy! It's like a...a...garlic press, with little things coming out of it!"

I sort of remember saying something about a garlic press, and I definitely remember being really frustrated with Steve because he just did not understand what I was talking about. He could see that I was frustrated, but he was completely baffled, so he just rolled over and went back to sleep.

The scary thing is, I was at least somewhat awake when this happened, because I was getting ready to grab Elijah and nurse him. I have NO idea what in the world I was talking about. Strange...

Is There a Hyphen in Anal-Retentive?*

Oh my. I have just discovered snarky grammar blogs. How did I not know these existed? Thanks to Carolyn McCulley for opening my eyes. Much enjoyment to be had from just these two:

Apostrophe Abuse (my personal pet peeve--the visual equivalent of fingernails on a chalkboard)

even funnier: The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks

Aaaand, each of these has several sidebar links to other grammar blogs. Dangerous. It is always fun to discover and commiserate with other anal-retentive grammar nerds.


*The title is not original. I heard it from a fellow word nerd who has a shirt with this saying. I found it hilarious :)

Friday Favorites: Neutrogena Tinted Lip Balm

I know several bloggers who do "Friday Favorites," mentioning fun products they have recently discovered or have long enjoyed. So in the interests of getting something quick up tonight so you all don't freak out...

I had this great lipstick in college that I used to wear for ministry team & chorale concerts. It was sheer and subtle, but a little bolder than the pink/brown neutrals I usually wear for everyday, so it was better for being up in front of people. It's almost gone, and they don't make that brand anymore--I hate it when that happens!

I also am always hesitant to buy new makeup because I hate to waste money on something that ends up looking terrible on me. But the other day I decided to give some a try--Neutrogena MoistureShine Tinted Lip Balm. I love it! It just looks like a little tube of chapstick, easy to stick in my pocket, and it even has SPF 20. Sheer, shiny color, not sticky (I'm not a fan of sticky lipstick/lip gloss...and neither is Steve :) Less than $7 and it smells yummy! Best of all, the color--"Nude"--is nearly identical to my old favorite lipstick.

If you check out the shades on the link above, beware that they look totally odd. They're much different in person; the "Nude" I got seems misnamed because it's berry-ish (in fact it looks more like this picture).

So there's your little bit of randomness from me tonight :)

YOU Got Me Feelin' Emotions...

The CD player in my car is broken (Steve said it's beyond him...anyone know of a good local person who could maybe fix it??) so I've had to resort to the radio lately. I found this fun "lite rock favorites" station (Mix 92.9) that I have really been liking. They play a mix of oldies, and songs that blast me right back to middle school/high school. Funny how a song can instantly bring up all kinds of memories of a specific time in your life.

Last night on the way to GEMS, Mariah Carey and I were screaming belting out "Emotions." I had that cassette tape. She was my FAVORITE. I used to be able to hit those screech-notes when I was about 12, too--but apparently my vocal chords have shrunk or something since then? Definitely wasn't getting up there in the car last night. Amazing how your brain retains all those songs you haven't heard in years, though...

Meanwhile Baby, whose hearing is by now fully developed, is already thinking of suing mama for aural assault :)

Cat-Sitting

...is making me love my dog more. I really don't care for cats.