The Simple Woman's Daybook ~ 10.6.11

For lack of other posts, The Simple Woman's Daybook... (Or is it better to just keep my mouth shut? Does anyone find these posts interesting or are they not really worthwhile?)

Outside my window...
Unseasonably warm. Trees are starting to turn and I thought sweater-and-flip-flops weather (my fave) was here to stay, but it was back up in the 80s today. Not complaining. Wishing the mosquitoes would die off once and for all, though.

I am thinking...
that I miss blogging. That I should have jumped in with the "31 Days" themes this month, to give myself some discipline both in keeping up this blog and in working on a writing project I want to dig into.

I am thankful for...
a new(ish) family at our church that has become dear friends of ours. The boys and I spent the morning at their house--always a blessing, for many reasons.

From the kitchen...
overflowing fruit. We recently bought grapes and apples in bulk, but I was dismayed to realize that Concord grapes aren't really good for eating out of hand--so I may try to make a grape pie, but otherwise will end up freezing most of them (some whole, for use in smoothies, and some pureed, for use in yogurt/oatmeal for the boys). I've also got several pounds of tomatoes waiting to go in the summer's last tomato pie and various other "last time" tomato recipes.

I am wearing...
jeans and a dark pink shirt in the shade that has become a new favorite color for me to wear. And flip-flops. I delay socks as long as possible in the fall :)

I am creating...
I finally made some stamped cards last Friday night for the first time in ages. I still have hopes for the prayer/parenting writing project I mentioned in July...but I haven't gotten very far.

I am going...
to refrain from naming a lofty goal here since I'm pretty sure I almost never follow through with what I say I'm going to do in these posts :/

I am reading...
Tactics: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions (so that I can hold my own when Steve goes all Columbo on me)...God of Promise: Introducing Covenant Theology (if I can get through it--the content is important and I want to understand it but it is SO unreadable)...and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (just because I never have, believe it or not). I recently finished and really enjoyed Playful Parenting. I also still haven't finished (but am loving) Give Them Grace. I'm thinking about reading through the Anne of Green Gables series again, which I haven't done for several years.

Bible-wise, I'm mostly in 2 Chronicles, Proverbs, and Mark (using King's Cross as a sort of commentary).

I am hoping...
to catch up on my out-of-control inbox sometime soon.

I am hearing...
Jude talking on the monitor. I don't think he ever actually fell asleep. Alas.

Around the house...
clutter everywhere. I am hopelessly behind on housework and *really* need to get the office (which I have affectionately begun referring to as "The Room of Doom") under control. Yikes.

One of my favorite things...
pumpkin spice latte. Haven't gotten one yet this fall but I can't wait. And, the moment when my sweet husband walks in the door at the end of a long day.

A few plans for the rest of the week...
Steve is taking me (and the boys) out for dinner tonight, just because! Then on Saturday we're headed to a local farm/pumpkin patch/corn maze/etc. Should be a fun family outing.

A picture thought I am sharing...
to say that Jude enjoyed the chicken enchiladas and Mexican black beans I made on Saturday would be an understatement :)

Multitude Monday, Take 222

"...make me a perfume of praiseful gratitude to thee..." (The Valley of Vision)

Thanking God this week for...

2185. Joe Thorn's "Walking Through the Valley of Vision" prayer guide
2186. the humbling process of asking Elijah's forgiveness and praying with him
2187. the sound of a lawn mower
2188. Unbroken at the library's used book sale table for $1!
2189. finally joining PaperBack Swap--and getting a request immediately

2190. kneading bread dough by hand
2191. an extra vacation day we didn't realize we had
2192. the way Steve has insights and perspecives that don't occur to me
2193. Steve's appreciation for my cooking and baking
2194. pretty fabrics

2195. an abundance of clothes for my boys
2196. Elijah's awesome speech therapist and her ongoing commitment to help us
2197. His sovereignty and kindness in bringing her into our lives
2198. her candor and enthusiasm
2199. her generosity

2200. a sunny afternoon at Centennial Park
2201. hitting the children's book jackpot at McKay's, on behalf of a friend who's expecting
2202. focused time and conversation with Steve
2203. seeing the gospel in the Old Testament
2204. clean, sweet-smelling boys

2205. a first birthday party for Jude's friend Polly Jane
2206. the opportunity to buy local, eco-friendly fruit in bulk for cheap
2207. hobby night with old friends
2208. new friends here for dinner
2209. Jude waving for the first time

2210. Sunday afternoon and evening in sweatpants
2211. big pot of chili
2212. His making and keeping spectacular promises

Four!

They say the twos are terrible, but that wasn't my experience. While two was difficult because of Elijah's language delays, it was otherwise not at all marked by the maddening behavior parents warn you about.

Others say three is worse than two, but the first half of three was actually delightful. Elijah had made great gains with his verbal skills, thanks to the Vanderbilt study, and I very much enjoyed this age. I have sweet memories of the last months before Jude was born, wrapping up our participation in the study and just soaking up the time with my firstborn before his brother arrived.

Then there are those who speak in hushed, ominous tones about the half-year disequilbrium of 3.5. Or, in Moxie's words, "then 3 1/2 comes along and smacks us down, and it can be bewildering and awfully demoralizing."

More specifically, childhood development researchers Ames & Ilg have observed that kids "tend to cycle in 6-month waves between equilibrium...and disequilibrium." Or, in plain English, "for awhile children would be fluent and cheerful, coordinated, learning new things all the time, and happy little kids doing things smoothly. Then they'd go through a period of being physically clumsy, stuttering, being in foul moods, and just having things go wrong a lot of the time."  (AskMoxie)

I totally buy that theory.

Three and a half was rough, I'm not gonna lie. I'm sure a lot of it has simply been all the issues that a new baby in the family creates and reveals. But let's just say, I very much looked forward to Eljiah's fourth birthday. Very much.

So far I wouldn't say he's swung completely back into equilibrium. In fact, I think we were a couple of months off from the 6-month mark in getting here, so I'm still riding it out, with plenty of difficult days. But I am seeing daily gains in his abilities and the things he is learning. Often I have to stop and marvel at the big boy he has become--holding doors open for me to push the stroller through; getting dressed all by himself; expressing his thoughts and emotions clearly...I have a preschooler now!

As I look back on photos, I see a HUGE difference between three and four, this transformation from toddler to boy. And though his birthday is now almost two months past, I want to take some time to celebrate my firstborn.

Underneath the difficult behaviors, this little buddy really is my favorite four-year-old in the world. I love his tenderheartedness, his helpfulness, his sense of humor, his affection, his uncanny sense of direction, his love of books and music. I love that he still says "map" instead of "nap." I love his nonstop chatter on walks and his joy in the simplest routines.

I love how he runs ahead and how he stops and waits to hold my hand when we cross the street. I love the quirky phrases he uses and the way he brings conviction by repeating my admonitions when *I'm* the one who needs to hear them.

I was thankful for a simple but really fun day spent celebrating Elijah's birthday in August. My friend Mandy came over to babysit Jude so that I could take Elijah to IHOP for lunch.

He thought it was crazy fun to eat pancakes and bacon--two of his favorite things--for lunch! Then the wait staff brought out an ice cream sundae and sang to him, which was a big hit.

After our lunch date, we stopped at a park for a little while and I tried to just slow down and drink in these moments.

We had originally planned to celebrate with my parents the following weekend, but their visit had to be canceled, so I decided at the last minute that we might as well have cake and ice cream with our friends Tony and Mandy, whom Elijah loves, and with whom we meet for dinner and prayer every Wednesday night anyway (his birthday was on a Wednesday). So when we got home from our date, Elijah helped me make a carrot cake, and then we got to enjoy it with our friends after we sang to our little buddy and helped him blow out FOUR candles. 

It has been a long, hard four years, and it has been a breathless, blink-and-it's-over ride. If there is a time to build and a time to tear down, then this little boy has been the tearing down of me, the breaking and laying low and exposing of me. I am supposed to be teaching him, yet day after day he is God's instrument for teaching me: how false and full of sin I am, how gentle and full of grace my Savior is, how deeply and desperately both Elijah and I need Jesus, how hopeless we are anywhere but the foot of the cross.

Ann Voskamp once wisely wrote:

The son births first and he grows, the woman still an infant mother.
And all the raising of the boy, this is her long labor, and she has to remember to breathe.
And it’s only after a whole score of years that she delivers into true motherhood, when her son leans down and kisses her forehead gentle. This is her full-term day. She only wishes it came sooner, at the beginning, when he first came.
It takes all the years of making a boy into a man —  to teach a woman how to be a mother.
Do you know how wild this makes me?

Wild indeed. My heart breaks, writhes with fear, as I consider the ways I am screwing up this sweet boy, the hurts I cause, the damage my sins and mistakes will do. I look into those deep brown eyes ("I have brown eyes just like you have brown eyes, Mama!") and I feel long, skinny arms and legs wrapped around me, and I squeeze extra tight, and I ache. This boy made me a mother, and unfortunately for him I will spend his entire life learning how to mother, trial and error (and error and error). I can only throw myself on the mercies of the One who, against all reason, entrusted little Elijah to my care. I praise Him that He is bigger than all my failures, and that Elijah is ultimately in His hands, not mine. And I thank Him for this unspeakably precious gift, for four sweet, hard years with my son, and I ask Him for His grace for many more.

Related:

Introducing...

First Birthday

Two!...and Some Thoughts on Trust

Two [Birthday Celebrations]

My Little Man Turns Three

Multitude Monday, Take 221

What happened to this blog? Why have I not been writing for the last several weeks? Sigh...

In the meantime, I always have plenty of things to be thankful for, if only I will open my eyes and choose gratitude over grumbling. Thanking God this week for...

2157. a long-overdue haircut
2158. two hours at Starbucks alone
2159. the parenting journey God has me on, with all of its messiness
2160. grace to function on way too little sleep
2161. a long-overdue visit with dear friends

2162. having visited them often enough to have traditions
2163. Steve portraying the gospel in how he serves me when I am weak
2164. famous homemade pepperoni rolls
2165. lots and lots of thoughtful and interesting discussions
2166. our friends' three adorable kiddos, and the privilege of watching them grow up over the last eight years

2167. Settlers of Catan
2168. the boys' excitement when Daddy comes home
2169. Jude's white-blond hair curling right above his ear
2170. a good excuse to try out this decadent cake
2171. grace to keep my mouth shut

2172. flock of birds doing a crazy, beautiful synchronized dance in the sky
2173. a long traffic light so we got to stand and watch them while waiting to cross the street
2174. finding my lost iPod
2175. great finds at a local school's annual used book sale
2176. time with friends

2177. our pastor's Sunday school lesson on Romans 8 yesterday:
2178. being FOR me
2179. not sparing His own Son
2180. giving me all things
2181. declaring me justififed

2182. raising Christ from the dead
2183. His love, from which NOTHING can separate me
2184. making me MORE than a conqueror

Multitude Monday, Take 220

Thanking God this week for...

2127. a visit from Steve's parents
2128. all the work Steve and his dad got done on the house
2129. antique shopping with my mother-in-law
2130. my new collection of blue and green glass
2131. windows open, breezes blowing

2132. 20+ pounds of fresh peaches that are, as Jessie Rae would say, STUPID good!
2133. greater peace, a more settled heart
2134. the million little ways my MIL served us while she was here
2135. the eggs our chickens have started laying!
2136. zero-VOC paint

2137. a long-overdue phone call with a dear friend
2138. sweater and flip-flops weather
2139. a friend's example of preaching to herself and fighting to trust
2140. insightful parenting books
2141. washable markers

2142. peach desserts
2143. grace to be calm and patient
2144. Elijah holding doors open for me
2145. deep conversations
2146. the opportunity to participate in the KidTalk study

2147. His sovereign control over all events
2148. miniature shopping carts at Trader Joe's
2149. dinner with a guy Steve works with--who just moved in a few blocks from us
2150. last weekend's company picnic
2151. kiddy rides that Elijah loved

2152. Jude's gleeful giggles over fried chicken
2153. ice cream cones
2154. Elijah's question upon seeing the Nashville skyline: "Did Daddy build it?"
2155. a lovely afternoon spent with friends
2156. their countless examples of joyful servanthood

Multitude Monday, Take 219

A difficult email from a dear friend this weekend had me doing the hard eucharisteo, choosing by grace to turn toward God and thank Him for...

2111. my friend's courage
2112. the fact that she cares enough about me and about our friendship to speak hard words
2113. her example of not fearing man
2114. grace at work in me, enabling me to make a preliminary response of humility and gratitude rather than anger and defensiveness (this can only be His grace in my proud heart!)
2115. my sweet husband immediately noticing and taking time to talk with me about it

2116. the fact that Steve and I are on the same page about pretty much everything
2117. Steve's calm, wise, reassuring words
2118. the promise that He *will*--not just *can*, but WILL--use this for my good
2119. orchestrating conflict in order to grow and refine me
2120. His commitment to make me more like Christ

2121. not letting me flounder, but instigating ways for me to see my failures and make course corrections
2122. the fact that my status as His beloved daughter does not depend on my performance
2123. Jesus' perfect record of obedience, transferred to me
2124. not having to be concerned about my reputation because the cross has already declared publicly what a screw-up I am and what I deserve
2125. covering all my sins completely

2126. fresh motivation to seek His face and depend on His grace

Related:
A Mess and a Savior
The Honest Truth About Me

Joy. Here.

Friday afternoon found me sitting outside, massaging my temples, willing myself to choose gratitude over resentment, truth over emotions. Despite the blessings of our trip, let's just say it had been a long week on the road with my boys (1100 miles, three beds in four nights, no Daddy).

As I sat on our back patio thanking God for bugs chirping and wind blowing through leafy branches and sunlight creating patterns and shadows on the ground, I tried to preach truth to myself. My mind went to a familiar favorite, Psalm 16, as I reminded myself that "the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance" (v. 6). Then I thought about the last verse:

"...in your presence there is fullness of joy..." (Psalm 16:11)

If there is fullness of joy in His presence...and He is present everywhere, inescapable, never leaving or forsaking me...then there is joy HERE.

I think I've always read this verse as a hopeful Heaven promise. You know, on That Day, when every tear is wiped away, and sin and satan are forever destroyed, when we stand in the presence of God, *that's* where fullness of joy is. Here, today? Not so much.

But Friday afternoon, as I sat breathing deeply and willing Steve to pull in the driveway, it occurred to me that I have limited the scope of joy. It may be hiding. It is not all sunshine and rainbows; it may not look like I expect or think I prefer. I will have to fight to choose it. But I am in His presence here. That means there is joy here.

On days like today, I am not honestly sure how. But over and over and over again, God is trying to teach me to believe Him and fight for joy and choose to praise Him here, now. In His presence there is fullness of joy and He is *here* and joy is here. I will tell myself until I know it to be true.

Related:

My Portion

Calling it Beautiful

Despising the Pleasant Land

Multitude Monday, Take 218

After a long week on the road with my boys (hence the lack of posting last week), I'm thankful to be home again and for the many blessings of our trip, including...

2086. safe travels over more than 1,000 miles
2087. not feeling sleepy while I drove all of it myself
2088. boys traveling SO well overall
2089. Jude's blowout diaper happening at the very end, when I had a bathtub to stick him in and an extra pair of hands to help
2090. time to talk with my parents

2091. drumsticks from Dietsch's
2092. opportunities to spend one-on-one time with my grandmother
2093. her delight in seeing my boys
2094. Elijah pushing her wheelchair
2095. gorgeous, gorgeous weather up in Ohio

2096. looking at old pictures with my mom and my aunt
2097. lunch with Steve's family
2098. reminders that "stuff" rots and fades and becomes worthless trash
2099. the Word of the Lord stands forever
2100. our Treasure cannot decay or be destroyed

2101. Elijah asking to snuggle with Pops and then Grammy
2102. best corn on the cob yet this summer
2103. a summer evening walk
2104. Jude sitting in the grass, eating it
2105. Panera's Fuji Apple Chicken Salad

2106. my brother making pancakes and bacon for breakfast
2107. Elijah playing fetch with my brother's dog
2108. dry pants and well-timed poop
2109. singing in the car
2110. reunion with Steve after five days apart

Weekend Wanderings 8.20.11

I've come across lots of interesting things in the tubes recently...someday I want to link my Delicious bookmarks to my blog, but until I get around to that, I'll have to do it manually through these posts, when I think of it or feel like it :)

The Real Reason Not to Cover Up Nursing Mothers

If women feel more comfortable nursing in public under a big cover, more power to them. But there are good reasons *not* to, and this article presents one of the most compelling and fascinating I've ever heard. Read the whole article for a bicycle metaphor and a heartwarming story about a gorilla! See also:

Breastfeeding as Worship

@Sorta Crunchy: "Ultimately, we have collectively swallowed our culture's poisoned message that declares breasts to be singularly sexual, therefore breastfeeding is something to be covered. ...To agree with our culture's corrupted view of breasts and breastfeeding is to deny God's beautiful, exquisite design. According to His perfect plan, breasts are dual-purposed wonders of creation, perfect evidence of a holy blend of function and form. Oh, how it must grieve the heart of God to see what we - even we! Those called according to His Name! - have allowed our thinking to become regarding His incredible design."

23 Gross Motor Games and Activities for Preschoolers You Can Play with Two or More People

I have a hard time getting on a three four(!) year old level and playing. I'm not very good at thinking of fun things to do. So I am definitely printing and referring to this list of ideas, especially as the weather cools and being outside becomes bearable again!

A Wind Storm

Rachel Jankovic @Femina: "These are the kind of days when my husband tells me that I was being fruitful, even if it doesn’t look productive. A fruit tree doesn’t move things from an in-basket to an out-basket all day. It is not in the business of ticking off boxes on a to-do list. Sometimes the business of being fruitful is standing in the rain, holding on to your branches in a wind storm, or simply providing shade. Every day is not an apple harvest day. Every day is part of a process, part of a journey towards fruit. Your whole life is part of a fruit bearing work, but today was just a wind storm."

God Will Never Give You More...

Nancy Wilson @Femina: "I was trying to be encouraging and helpful, so I said something like, 'Don’t worry! God will never give you [more than you can handle].' On my way home I realized that I had said something very stupid and untrue. ...Our God is much better and greater and kinder than that!"

Is the Main Thing the Only Thing?

@Joe Thorn: "There is more in God’s word than the gospel. God has given us his law to show us the way, uncover our corruption and condemnation, and point us to our need of redemption. There are commands to be obeyed, there is wisdom to learn and practice, and affections to feel and be moved by. But, the law itself is unable to create within us new hearts, or empower us to obey its demands. So let me say it this way: The gospel is the main thing, it is not the only thing. However, it is the only thing that brings life, power, and transformation. The gospel isn’t everything, but it does connect to everything, and preachers and teachers in the church must be able to show that connection lest we allow the church to drift (or even be lead) into various kinds of hopeless, powerless legalism."

I Wish I Had a Child Like You

@Desiring God: "We must fight the temptation to boast in or covet children. How gifted or successful or even holy they become is no sure evidence of God’s blessing on us. Neither are disabled or disobedient children evidence of God’s disfavor.God’s blessing rests on the one who 'hear[s] the word of God and keeps it.' Belief is the evidence of blessing."

Ron Paul and the Top Tier

@The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: "How did Libertarian Ron Paul become the 13th floor in a hotel?!" This video is hilarious. And maddening.

The Simple Woman's Daybook ~ 8.16.11

It has been a long morning. Now that both boys are down for naps, I am needing to breathe for a few minutes before I go scrub toilets. Enter The Simple Woman's Daybook...

Outside my window...
gorgeous, gorgeous weather. And mosquitoes.

I am thinking...
that my life revolves around poop these days. Who's pooping, who's not pooping, where they are pooping, what it looks like, what they are eating to produce said poop...you're jealous, aren't you.

I am thankful for...
the fact that my boys' digestive systems work, however erratically...the fact that they both find comfort in being near me, even when I am a terrible excuse for an impatient and harsh mother...and a husband who serves and serves and serves and serves some more.

From the kitchen...
last night was a new tomato recipe that was just "meh." I'm not saving it. Tonight I think we're having bruschetta pizza, one of my favorite things to do with summer tomatoes: a homemade whole-wheat crust, topped with cheese and sausage, then taken out of the oven and finished with a mix of tomatoes, fresh basil--oops, we don't have any fresh basil, I just realized--garlic, balsamic vinegar and olive oil. I'm also test-driving quiche recipes from Smitten Kitchen this week, in preparation for a baby shower I'm hosting on Saturday.

I am wearing...
black knit gauchos and a pink tank top. Why no, I haven't showered today, why do you ask?

I am creating...
giant tissue paper flowers, I hope, for the baby shower.

I am going...
to blog about Elijah turning four soon.

I am reading...
mostly The Poisonwood Bible. That's got me so absorbed that most other books have been temporarily cast aside. I mean, it's depressing and maddening and awful, but also brilliant and engaging. Before that, I recently finished Uncle Tom's Cabin and From Fear to Freedom: Living as Sons and Daughters of God. The former was marvelous; the latter, only so-so. When I finish the novel I'll go back to the other various books I have started: Give Them Grace, Redemption, The Gospel for Christians, Choosing Gratitude. Maybe one of these days, ironically, I'll get back to Getting Things Done.

Bible-wise, I am in Proverbs, 2 Chronicles and Mark.

I am hoping...
to have all this poop nonsense behind me soon.

I am hearing...
sounds of rustling over Jude's monitor, meaning he is quite likely awake after only 30 minutes or so of naptime. OY.

Around the house...
cleaning and organizing in preparation for Saturday's baby shower. I'm going to have somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 ladies here for brunch, so I've got some work to do. I'm reminding myself that the goal is to bless, not impress, and that they will remember the atmosphere of my home long after they will remember my living room decor (or pitiful lack thereof).

One of my favorite things...
crepe myrtles in bloom, shades of pink all over the place.

A few plans for the rest of the week...
a dear friend is coming over tomorrow morning to catch up and bringing donuts from the Donut Palace--fun times! Then we'll have our usual Wednesday night dinner and prayer with friends. Thursday morning I am headed to Nashville to meet a friend and check out the new Paper Source store and have lunch. And then Saturday is the baby shower for a sweet friend from church who's expecting her first baby in October.

A picture thought I am sharing...
two, actually: my little cowboy, and my little mess. It's important to remember adorable moments like these when real life is less than adorable, as it is this week with all the pooping and not pooping and not napping.

Multitude Monday, Take 217

"I have learned that in every circumstance that comes my way, I can choose to respond in one of two ways: I can whine OR I can worship! And I can't worship without giving thanks. It just isn't possible." --Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Gratitude

"I know this seems painfully obvious, but when our children are fussing, the antidote for them is gratitude. But how are we showing them that when we start getting huffy and snippy? Are you modeling thankfulness by being thankful for your fussy children...?" --Rachel Jankovic, Loving the Little Years

Trying to curb the whining with worship this week as I thank God for...

2049. two-year-old friend's pink painted toenails
2050. chickens free-ranging, and all still living

2051. loved ones learning to trust God
2052. His mercy
2053. a last-minute zoo trip to celebrate Elijah's birthday

2054. homemade birthday cards from his little friends
2055. ice cream cones for everyone
2056. four years of being Elijah's mama
2057. a lunch date with him at IHOP
2058. pancakes and bacon! for lunch! that's crazy!

2059. homemade carrot cake with perfect, delectable cream-cheese icing
2060. Elijah helping me grind up the carrots and mix the cake
2061. friends helping us celebrate over tomato pie and cake + ice cream
2062. grace to see my son as the gift he is
2063. boys swinging together at the park

2064. my tiny camera, easy to have on hand and get out frequently
2065. new adorable photos of my nephew in the mail
2066. cooler temperatures
2067. Jude loving grilled salmon
2068. Steve's generous and humble heart

2069. the way our parents set us up for financial success so generously
2070. flaxseed hidden in oatmeal
2071. Elijah still wanting to sit in my lap after I've been a total jerk
2072. grace to whisper/breathe deep/answer calmly *some* of the time
2073. a new book about the gospel for only $0.99 on my Kindle

2074. photos finally sorted, edited, uploaded and shared
2075. pizza and playtime with Daddy at the park
2076. not making me a single parent
2077. newly organized bookshelves
2078. organic tomatoes for $1/lb

2079. peaches from a roadside stand
2080. opportunity to bless as we have been blessed
2081. a sweet girl at church taking Jude during the half hour snack/fellowship time
2082. Steve's willingness to be a guinea pig for new recipes
2083. an evening walk with my guys

2084. The Valley of Vision for when I don't have words to pray
2085. Monday mornings, fresh starts, mercies new

Multitude Monday, Take 216

"As British pastor John Henry Jowett once said, 'Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road.' True gratitude is not an incidental ingredient. Nor is it a stand-alone product, something that never actually intersects with life, safely denying reality out on its own little happy island somewhere. No, gratitude has a big job to do in us and in our hearts. And it is one of the chief ways that God infuses joy and resilience into the daily struggle of life." --Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Gratitude

Thanking God this week for...

2021. pretty summer flowers: marigolds, hydrangea, zinnias
2022. the digital photography age = thousands of photos of my kids and our life
2023. the fact that slavery was abolished long ago
2024. glasses I'm not embarrassed to wear in public
2025. being able to wear contact lenses 99% of the time

2026. Jude's first real, big bath with Elijah
2027. bathroom floor covered in water from all the splashing
2028. Elijah: "I don't wanna do hiccups, Mom! I can't do hiccups!"
2029. the way parenting forces me to go to the cross even when I don't want to
2030. reminders of Christ's servanthood and the call to serve

2031. new pens with perfect tips
2032. several wonderful hours of conversation with a friend
2033. her humble wisdom and pursuit of God
2034. freedom to speak candidly with her
2035. time away that left me feeling energized and motivated and refreshed

2036. opportunities to serve a family in need
2037. dishwasher
2038. garbage disposal
2039. the fact that Elijah didn't completely flip out and panic when he locked himself in our bedroom
2040. Steve's ability to come home early and get him out after my attempts failed

2041. piles of clean dishes
2042. ice cream on a hot afternoon
2043. boys mesmerized by video clips of themselves
2044. Elijah no longer just "helping" but actually helping
2045. Jude SO proud of himself pulling up to furniture

2046. a long, quiet evening reading an amazing book (Uncle Tom's Cabin)
2047. Steve and Elijah roughhousing and laughing
2048. making Him who knew no sin to be sin for me, so that in Him I could become righteous

Weekend Wanderings

Some of the best things I read on the internet come from other bloggers' links--so I thought I would throw out some posts I've found helpful or interesting lately, for your weekend reading...

He Loves Me, He Really Loves Me - Tim Challies
"...when Dad gets together with his friends, these things are not at the front of his mind. He loves his children, he is proud of his children, and he wants to tell others about them. I thought about this a short time ago when I was considering how God feels about us, how He feels about me, and how He feels about all of His children."

When She Speaks - Chatting at the Sky
Wise words for a small-time blogger like me: "what if you don’t have 2,000 readers? Maybe you have 30 readers. Do you roll your eyes at those 30 readers? Do you think of your work as valuable even if only 30 people read it? Consider this: what if 30 women showed up in a room to hear you speak. Would you see it differently?"

If You Want Your Child to Love God, Don't Go By the Rules - Sally Clarkson
I love Sally Clarkson. She often has such wise, encouraging, gentle yet powerful words for mothers.

Titus 2 Is Not Just a Woman's To-Do List - The Resurgence
"The first few verses have been sliced, diced, and examined from every angle to comprehend what it is that a godly woman looks like. How should she act? What does she do? After years of honing in on the beginning of this chapter as my 'godly guide for women,' I actually took the time to finish reading the chapter and my eyes were opened to the fullness of truth that left me encouraged and equipped to actually live out the call of the opening verses."

Little Horses and Big Cliffs - Life with Littles
Have I mentioned this blog here yet? I know I've linked on Facebook. It's one of my new favorites--such rich, encouraging gospel truths for struggling and inadequate moms like me:
"Grace is scary like that. It makes you cringe and wish that you had a way out. It makes you doubt yourself because if you aren't going to 'do' something then who is? That is the beauty of it. There's nothing for us to add yet everything for us to gain."

Something Better

On Monday I was supposed to take the boys to a friend's house for a playdate. I was SO looking forward to it, as this is a relatively new friend, and it seems we never can get enough time to talk. So you can imagine my dismay when I woke up early Monday morning with crusty, ouchy eyes. Pinkeye. AWESOME.

My first thought, in my grouchy six a.m. fog, was to be angry. I felt disappointed and resentful. I think it would be slightly melodramatic to be all "Why, God?" on the level of a response to a cancer diagnosis...but I'm not gonna lie, I was exhibiting a milder (and perhaps uglier) "Seriously, Lord? Seriously?"

My next thought was hopeful: Maybe God is making this fall through because He has something better in mind. I don't have my regular Tuesday night prayer with friends tomorrow, so maybe my friend and I can meet for coffee tomorrow night instead (we'd done that on a Tuesday night once before). That would be way better than a playdate today anyway, because we'd get a couple of hours for *uninterrupted* conversation, rather than trying to talk and also parent five small children!

I called my friend, and she agreed that she didn't really want me and my pinkeye at her house. And, as it turned out, we were in fact able to get together on Tuesday night instead. Toward the end of our time together, after about three wonderful hours of really great heart-level conversation on various topics, I was sharing all the above. My main question was, "Why am I so quick to assume the worst of God? Why am I so quick to assign negative intent, to jump to the conclusion that He is stingy, that He doesn't want to give me good gifts, etc.?"

But my friend nailed me with a more fundamental issue. As I replayed the scene of Monday morning, expressing my thought, "Maybe God has something better in store," she interrupted me: "He did."

No "maybe" about it. "He did, definitely, have something better in mind." For a split second, I assumed she was referring to the time we'd just shared that had proven the fact, thinking as I was: "He *did* have something better in store, because here we sit and tonight has been such a blessing!" But she pressed: "He definitely did have something better in mind--EVEN IF this hadn't worked out. What He brings is always best."

My reaction in the moment of being denied something I wanted revealed my heart. Sadly, it exposed unbelief and idolatry there: "God doesn't really love me, isn't really good, doesn't really want to give me good things." The original lie.

Worse, my idolatrous heart thought that the answer to that lie was God's providing what I wanted. He was vindicated in my mind when He gave me something that clearly, from my perspective, was better--a coffee date instead of a playdate. He is kind and gentle to do this sometimes in spite of me--but my friend's admonition was needed. His love and His goodness, the gospel truths that He is for me and gives me all things pertaining to life and godliness, mean that what He gives is best. However it looks to my limited perspective, these circumstances are best. If my plans fall through, it is always, always because He has something better in mind.

Funny thing, in the middle of writing this post I got distracted and popped over to look at Twitter. Scotty Smith's most recent tweet pretty well sums it up:

Related ("Other Times I Have Preached This Same Truth to Myself"):

Despising the Pleasant Land

My Portion

Hemmed In

Calling it Beautiful

Multitude Monday, Take 215

"...gratitude truly is my life preserver. Even in the most turbulent waters, choosing gratitude rescues me from myself and my runaway emotions. It buoys me on the grace of God and keeps me from drowning in what otherwise would be my natural bent toward doubt, negativity, discouragement, and anxiety. Over time, choosing gratitude means choosing joy. But that choice doesn't come without effort and intentionality."

--Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Gratitude

Thanking God this week for...

1993. new salmon recipes

1994. lemonade

1995. unprompted kisses and hugs

1996. a foam sword at Target's Dollar Spot

1997. friends' coming over to play in the kiddy pool with us

1998. "Two Elijahs in the pool!"

1999. splashing and laughter

2000. Elijah's interest in sitting through a chapter book--our first!

2001. a phone conversation with my oldest friend

2002. a walk around the block, in spite of the heat

2003. a friend's humility in expressing her fear and need

2004. the opportunity to go help her

2005. friends' patient and gentle care for my boys

2006. a peach milkshake from Chick-Fil-A

2007. date night in

2008. new cloth diapers in the mail

2009. Elijah's asking to make bread with me

2010. friends who help me see things from a different perspective

2011. adopting me as His child

2012. the riches of His glorious inheritance

2013. fresh, local, wholesome produce from the farmers' market

2014. Steve's spending Saturday fixing various things

2015. lime lip balm finally found after months missing

2016. friends' anniversary, and God's preservation of their marriage through tough times

2017. friends here for dinner

2018. first bruschetta chicken of the summer

2019. kids giggling and loud

2020. the glorious truths of Romans, especially chapters 5 and 8