Monday, August 06, 2012

Multitude Monday, Take 255

Thanking God this week for...

4149. His glory reflected in human athletes' amazing abilities
4150. the idea that Jesus could do everything every single one of the Olympians can, perfectly, and far more besides
4151. volleyball played like it's supposed to be played
4152. Jude demonstrating how the swimmers jump into the water
4153. a big bag of basil from a friend

4154. the privilege of voting
4155. a funny, sweet card from an old friend (real mail!!)
4156. people who have the patience to coach 4- and 5-year-old soccer
4157. Elijah eagerly participating in his first practice without coaxing


4158. Elijah and Jude looking at books together in our big rocking chair


4159. lime in my water
4160. boys clomping around in Daddy's shoes
4161. Jude's bedhead



4162. respectful perspectives from people I disagree with, making me think
4163. tons of work accomplished in the office

4164. a happy bouquet for $3 at the farmers' market
4165. a fridge and counters full of fresh fruit
4166. neatly organized desk, bookshelves, filing cabinets
4167. pizza for supper after a long day of hard work
4168. best moment of my weekend: singing duets from Annie Get Your Gun with Elijah :)


Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Simple Woman's Daybook ~ 7.31.12

It looks like I completely forgot to post my gratitude list yesterday. Truth be told, I wasn't feeling very grateful yesterday--and my attitude toward my children reflected that. Life goes better when I pause throughout the day to see the endless succession of gifts, but too often I am too busy, and settle for jotting down a list the next morning. Better than nothing, but it's the *in the moment* gratitude that makes the bigger difference. And why do I think I can't write something down unless it's unique or new? The same gifts I receive every day, multiple times a day, are still undeserved gifts, no matter how frequently they are bestowed.

Anyway. In lieu of a list this week, a little Simple Woman's Daybook, which I also haven't done in a while:

Outside my window...
hot, hot, hot. And mosquitoes. We stay inside as much as possible. 

I am thinking...
that I really need to go work out, and clean up the kitchen, but I'd rather sit here and watch Olympics videos. 

I am thankful for...
our church's practice of pastoral oversight. 

From the kitchen...
an experimental pizza of sorts was on the menu last night--the crust, a cheese-herb breadstick recipe, was delicious, but the sauce and toppings were a disappointment. Tonight we're having BLTs with tomatoes from the farmers' market and corn on the cob. I hope to try Smitten Kitchen's zucchini bread pancakes soon. 

I am wearing...
a ruffly dark blue skirt and a white tank top, with flip-flops and a red headband (not as patriotic as it sounds). 

I am creating...
a freshly remodeled office (part of the bathroom project)! Naptime hours these last several days have been devoted to home improvement projects: painting, priming, spackling, sanding, and painting again here in the office. Hoping to show some "in-progress" pictures soon. 

I am going...
to change my clothes and run as soon as I finish this post. Yes, yes I am. 

I am reading...
Catching Fire while I run on the elliptical (great motivation to exercise!). World magazine's Books issue in the bathroom :) Love to Eat, Hate to Eat with the girl I'm mentoring. Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline with another dear friend. And I'm trying to decide what to pick up while nursing. This week I've started and abandoned both Gilded Lives, Fatal Voyage: The Titanic's First Class Passengers and Their World and Boys Should Be Boys. Life is too short and there are too many good books to spend time reading something that doesn't really grab me (though I will probably come back to Boys Should Be Boys at some point). I'm thinking of dipping back into Leigh McLeroy's The Beautiful Ache, but as soon as an Amazon box arrives on my porch, I'll be eagerly opening Kelle Hampton's memoir, Bloom: Finding Beauty in the Unexpected. I remember reading and being stunned by the birth story of her daughter a couple of years ago, but I didn't continue following her blog--so I was delighted to find out recently that she had published a book. 

Bible-wise, I'm in Daniel (about to start Hosea) and Psalms. Still finding my reading plan to be very helpful.

I am hoping...
that Elijah will enjoy soccer and make some new (local) friends. He alternates between seeming excited, and telling me he doesn't want to play soccer. And he tends to be stubbornly resistant to new things for a while before finally discovering that he loves them, so it could be a challenge getting him to give it a try. 

I am hearing...
nothing but the whirring of the ceiling fan. Just blissful silence. Ahh, naptime.

Around the house...
the office is covered in a layer of fine dust from all the sanding. The kitchen is piled with clutter as usual. And my dining room table can frequently be found covered in Legos as Daddy and Elijah work on their newest project. 

One of my favorite things...
sales on products I love. Hurraw Balm had a nice sale a couple of weeks ago, and this week (hurry, it ends today) Paper Coterie is offering $100 gift cards for $30! Nice!

A few plans for the rest of the week...
Steve and I have "date night in" tonight. Tomorrow night is our usual dinner and prayer with some dear friends, and then Thursday is Elijah's very first soccer practice. Should be interesting :) I also need to go vote on Thursday. Then on Saturday morning I'm meeting with two ladies from our church to begin planning next year's women's retreat. 

A picture thought I am sharing...
an old friend of mine from childhood/high school, Shanna, took some photos of us while we were in Ohio earlier this month. She captured this sweet shot of the boys:


After this one, they weren't being super cooperative, so a few days later, I tried another photo shoot of my own. That didn't go a whole lot better, but I did get this one that shows Jude's ornery grin:


...and several cute ones of Elijah, in between his cheesy, fake smiles.


I'm so disappointed that his face is out of focus in this one and many of the others - it's the number one problem I have with my photography right now. Argh. I still like his expression well enough to keep the photo, but I'm frustrated. 

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Bathroom Remodel, In Progress

This is how awesome my in-laws are: after our having made plans to be in Ohio for the first week of July, they responded with a proposal. What if Steve's dad and younger brother came home with Steve at the end of the first week, and Amy and the boys stayed in Ohio? The guys could work on the bathroom all week, and then Steve's mom could drive down with Amy and the boys, and ride back with her husband and youngest son a couple of days later.

Um...twist our arms! Seriously? Steve got them started on Monday, but had to return to work the rest of the week--meaning that Tuesday-Friday, his dad and brother spent all day at our house alone, framing, plumbing, hanging drywall, and mudding. Is that crazy-generous and wonderful or what? It also meant that I got extra time in Ohio to enjoy...

...a playdate with my best friend's boys...

...lunch with a college friend...

...dinner with my cousin...

...an evening with my college roommate...

...and girls' night out with my two best friends from high school!

All this was thanks to my awesome parents, who were so gracious to babysit while Mama got some time away. And then I got to enjoy my lovely mother-in-law's company for the drive home (she actually squeezed into the backseat between the two carseats for the home stretch when Jude was screaming!). 

We arrived back in Tennessee to discover that the guys had indeed been working hard. What a transformation! By the end of the weekend, I was able to take a shower in my fully-functioning downstairs bathroom! So, without further ado, some "before" and "in-progress" pics: 

Let's review what it looked like at first (minus a small cabinet hanging on the wall--I never think to get "before" pictures until it's almost too late)...


Oh yes, that is a window *in* the shower. When we moved in, it was covered only by a small curtain in the window, rather than a full-size curtain--it is a miracle that whole wall was not rotted right through. There were all kinds of other awesome things about this tub, like that it was original to the house (ever tried to clean a 70-year-old bathtub?)...the classy tile job along the end...I could go on.

Here's another angle:



Better hope no one opens the door while you're sitting on the toilet, or you'll get slammed in the knees. Better hope you have nothing but a toothbrush to set down on that tiny vanity. Be careful you don't get electrocuted, with the outlet so close to the faucet. And if two of you want to be in there in the same time? Well, I hope you really like each other :)

One more view:



Notice me in the corner, pressed up against the wall, trying to get as much of the room in the photo as possible. That's with a very wide-angle lens. The green cabinet with a mirror, for the record, is full of the HVAC duct for upstairs. It used to be a bit of linen storage, but I lost that five years ago--meaning we had NO linen storage. (You'll get to see that in a future post.)

What I unfortunately did not get a picture of was the ceiling. Words can't do justice to the level of disgusting that ceiling was. Mildew everywhere, causing the paint to peel. That would be because the brilliant builders "vented" the bathroom fan into the *attic* instead of through the roof. All that humid air had nowhere to go except elsewhere in the house. OY.

Anyway, moving on...here's what the bathroom looked like during demolition:



Walls behind the tub in better shape than we imagined, though as my father-in-law pointed out, it was a bit like a historical dig, what with 27 layers of paint and wallpaper underneath the cheap, ugly wallboard.

Fast-forward through a pricey and unexpected professional asbestos abatement, as well as Steve in a respirator and coveralls knocking out a possibly-lead-paint-covered wall...

And now...



Ta-da! The window can actually let natural light into the room instead of being covered by a shower curtain! And there's floor space! You could have a party in that bathroom!



Guess what's behind that door? A LINEN CLOSET! And do you see my pristine shower?!



No grody tub to clean! And from the shower, here's the view:



Cutie in the doorway says "Teeeessss!"

We gained several square feet for the bathroom by knocking out the closet in our office, and it made all the difference in the world. There's still a lot of work to do here, of course. First I have to figure out what in the world I want it to look like, which I haven't even begun to consider because until a week before we left for Ohio, I assumed that process was still quite some time away. We'll be getting a new, larger vanity; for now, the tiny old one is still in use. Besides the obvious paint and flooring and woodwork, there are the little things, like a mirror (right now it's the chipped front of the old medicine cabinet, held in place by oh-so-classy bare screws) and a shower curtain or glass door, and some kind of treatment for the window instead of those improvised five-feet-too-long blinds. But, y'all, I have a working bathroom. And it is already a massive improvement over what we had before!


Related:
Celebrate Progress
This Old House: Always Something

Monday, July 23, 2012

Multitude Monday, Take 254

 After two weeks in Ohio and a week of playing catch-up with housework, etc., I'm hoping to settle back into the blogging groove this week :) A few things I'm thanking God for this week include...

4120. zero-VOC paint
4121. Sunday afternoon naps
4122. fellowship with a dear family
4123. more community groups starting up among our church
4124. the gift of good communication with my husband

4125. a missing favorite pen, found
4126. our neighbors' lovely perennial garden, right along the front sidewalk for everyone to enjoy
4127. discipline to get back into the workout routine
4128. The Hunger Games to keep me motivated to get on the elliptical
4129. Steve wrestling with the boys

4130. early morning time to journal
4131. the fact that I spilled flour all over the floor *before* I vacuumed
4132. bookworm-talk with a friend
4133. date night in, lots of time to talk with Steve
4134. Steve's humility and gracious attitude toward others' sin

4135. Jude's belly laugh
4136. Steve having Elijah help him paint shelves for the linen closet, apply drywall mud in the office
4137. a long phone chat with a dear friend
4138. productivity while we talked
4139. gorgeous heirloom tomatoes from the farmers' market

4140. a happy bouquet of orange, blue and yellow flowers
4141. Jude learning to say "please"
4142. an unexpected date with Elijah, after I'd been harsh with him all day and needed the time to reconnect
4143. getting to see Annie Get Your Gun for the first time since I performed in it 12 years ago
4144. belting "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" in the car with Steve (one of our big duets from the show :)

4145. the way our pastor always makes much of Jesus
4146. sending His Son not only to forgive us, but to set us free
4147. the same Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead, living in me
4148. an ocean of grace that's mine in Christ


Friday, July 20, 2012

Celebrate Progress

I joke about all the unfinished projects at our house, but the reality is, we *have* made a lot of progress on our house since we moved in almost six years ago. I constantly think about how the previous owners, as well as our realtor, would be shocked at how much has changed! Yet I don't put up "after" pictures because I think I have to wait until every last detail is perfectly in place--every nail set, every coat of paint applied, artwork on the walls, decorative baskets in place.

Recently I was reviewing my notes from the first counseling class I took a couple of years ago, and I was encouraged to be reminded of something Dr. David Powlison emphasized many times in his lectures: "Change is incremental," he said. "Validate incremental change short of perfection. It's not what it should be, but it's better than what it was." He urged us to put our guilt in context, to affirm baby steps. If you struggle with anger, then "a decrease in frequency of anger outbursts, decrease in the intensity of anger, decrease in the duration of anger, an increase in how quickly you turn to God...these all count." Are you still angry? Are you still sinning? Yes, but you are moving in the right direction, and that's worth celebrating!

In the syllabus, Powlison wisely pointed out: "The actual process is usually slow. God seems content to work on a scale of centuries with the church, and a scale of decades with individuals. ...The unfolding process is invariably messy."

Decades! It's no wonder I get impatient, when my expectations are that complete transformation will come in a matter of weeks or maybe months, a year or two at most. Haven't I learned this lesson in our remodeling adventures? With an old house, a project always, ALWAYS costs more money and takes more time than you expected. It's always more involved than you anticipated. And believe me, one room or another is perpetually a mess :)

Thankfully, God is in it for the long haul, and He's not in a hurry. He wants to see me conformed to Christ, and He knows that will take a while--there's a lot of work to be done. He is patient. He perseveres.

I can focus on how far we still have to go with the house...or I can give thanks for what has been accomplished. I can wallow in a sense of failure about my sinful heart...or I can get excited about evidence of grace, and let that inspire me to press on with fresh hope. I don't have to have arrived at the finish line of holy perfection to see that God has been at work in me. I've come a long, long way from where I started! And we don't have to have our house market-ready to show you the improvements we've made along the way. You just have to use your imagination to visualize how great it will look when the work is done--or in the case of my heart, you just have to use your eyes of faith to believe how much like Christ I will look when God's work is complete.

I say all this because my so-easily-discouraged heart needs to hear this truth...and also because I want to show you what my husband, father-in-law and brother-in-law were up to last week :) But that will have  to wait for another post, because this one has gotten long and my writing time is just about up!

Monday, July 09, 2012

Multitude Monday, Take 253

So many blessings over the last couple of weeks! Where to begin? Thanking God for...

4087. peaches from the farmers' market
4088. hot, dry weather in Ohio = no mosquitoes
4089. seven years of marriage to the man of my dreams
4090. grandparents keeping our boys so we could enjoy an anniversary getaway
4091. a whole day and a half of laughing, talking, flirting and just being together

4092. the boys' excitement to see us when we got back
4093. the way absence makes the heart grow fonder :)
4094. Elijah helping Pops water his flowers
4095. Grammy fighting lightsabers with Elijah
4096. walks with my mom late in the evening

4097. Steve talking theology with his brothers late into the night
4098. hats, sunscreen, air conditioning, kiddy pools, cold showers
4099. lifting weights with Steve
4100. Elijah handling his disappointment better than expected when we had to tell him that the fireworks he had anticipated for two weeks were canceled
4101. fireworks on TV from Washington, D.C. as the next best thing

4102. Elijah voluntarily sharing with Jude
4103. a visit to the park where our family and friends were camping
4104. Jude climbing all over me, showering me with kisses
4105. card games with Steve's family
4106. opportunity to see a friend I hadn't seen in probably 12 years

4107. her taking pictures for us, coordinating crazy schedules, working in the extreme heat
4108. reminders of how weak and broken I am
4109. extended family gatherings
4110. Aunt Dewey reading to Elijah
4111. my brother's girlfriend entertaining Jude with the video camera on her phone

4112. getting to see fireworks later in the week after all
4113. opportunity to sing at church with my dad
4114. my niece calming down when I volunteered to sit by her at dinner
4115. "Woohoo!" texts from friends excited to see me
4116. swinging on the porch with Jude

4117. His Word that nourishes my soul
4118. the promise that fullness of joy and ultimate pleasure are found in Him
4119. calling me to Himself fifteen years ago today

Monday, July 02, 2012

Seven-Year Itch

I've heard people talk about the seven-year itch for as long as I can remember. Well, we've been married seven years, and I have an itch.

It's the itch to roll over and snuggle with my husband when I wake up in the middle of the night and we aren't touching.
...the itch to flirt with him via text message in the middle of the day, and imagine him smiling at work.
...the itch to see him recognized and appreciated in his job, to see his skills develop and his talents well-used.
...the itch to talk to him about what I read, what I hear, what's on my mind.
...the itch to get his perspective, to learn from his wisdom.
...the itch to embarrass him by writing blog posts like this, because I just can't keep to myself how I love this man of mine.

 
Our marriage isn't perfect. Steve is a sinner, and I'm a worse one. But six years ago, I learned to see.

I was at a crossroads as a new wife. We had been married less than a year, and while I was still over the moon about my husband, I was also not completely satisfied. I longed for certain things to be different. And I didn't know what to do with that longing.

It was at that point that the book Sacred Influence came into my life. Having read Gary Thomas's brilliant and beautiful book Sacred Marriage, I was eager to pick up this follow-up as soon as it was published. (A book for wives, written from a husband's perspective? Seemed like a no-brainer!) And I'm convinced that the book changed my marriage. Thomas wrote:
"How is God using the reality of living with an imperfect man to teach you how to grow in patience and understanding? ...How is he using your marriage to teach you how to love? When you find yourself in...a basically good marriage with one particular issue that grates on you, you can be sure that God wants to mature you as you face this problem with strength, courage, dignity, and biblical wisdom."
I thought I loved Steve when I said "I do" in 2005. But over the course of that first year, I began to realize that God wanted to use marriage to teach me, among other things, how little I truly understood love and how much more deeply I could love. He wanted to grow my love for Steve so that I could be better equipped to love others.

Thomas continued:
"Only one perfect man ever walked this earth, and he never married. Since every wife is married to an imperfect man, every wife will have legitimate disappointments in her marriage. Are you going to define your husband by these disappointments, or will you pray that God will open your eyes to the common blessings that your husband provides and to which you often become blinded?"
That resonated with me deeply--it reaffirmed a theme that God was beginning to play in my heart six years ago and has continued to reinforce ever since. Would I focus on what was lacking? Would I feed the critical spirit that comes so naturally to me? Or would I "make the daily spiritual choice of focusing on qualities for which [I] feel thankful"? Thomas reminded me: "no man is ever 'on' all the time. ...The spiritual challenge comes from the fact that you are likely more apt to define your husband by his bad days than you are to accept the good days as the norm. Hold on to the good; begin to define him by the good; thank him (and God) for the good--and thereby reinforce the good."

In other words, take Scripture seriously:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things" (Philippians 4:8)

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor" (Romans 12:9-10).

"Love is patient and kind...it is not irritable or resentful; it...rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

At that crossroads in June 2006, by the grace of God, I made a decision to see. I chose to give thanks for who Steve is and what he does--which truly gives me plenty of material on which to meditate! I shifted my focus to gratitude instead of complaint, to affirming the good instead of lamenting what was lacking. And I think God used that choice to change me. I shudder to think of the nagging, disapproving, proud and critical wife I so easily could have become, apart from His grace.

Instead, when my mind does go to disappointment or dissatisfaction, thoughts of what he hasn't done or what I wish were different, I choose to look at who I'm not and all the ways I have failed. Have I been the wife Steve truly needs? Have I prayed for him faithfully in these areas where he is weak? Have I loved him in the ways I know he wants to be loved? That stops the complaints pretty quickly, when I am convicted about my prayerlessness and reminded of his patiently bearing with me in all my faults and flaws.

I'm so thankful for Gary Thomas's wise words. And I'm beyond thankful for the incredible husband God has given me, and the fact that God has given me eyes to see and appreciate this gift. I know Steve's flaws better today than I did seven years ago. But I also know his strengths better, and I have seen God's grace at work in him in more ways than I can begin to recount. When I truly see this man of mine, I truly love who he is and who he is becoming. I love that I have been chosen for the privilege of walking by his side, hand in hand for the journey. I pray that God will satisfy my itch to grow old with this amazing man.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Thai Chicken Tacos

The fact that I'm posting this recipe is kind of crazy on a couple of levels: first, the fact that I would ever *enjoy* food like this would have seemed impossible if you knew me even as recently as college. I went on a mission trip to Mongolia in 2003, and as part of our short-term missions preparation class, we went to a Chinese buffet. I dreaded the trip. I thought I hated Chinese food. I did discover that Asian food in Asia is vastly different and better than an American Chinese buffet, and to my surprise, I enjoyed the food we ate in Mongolia. Well, I enjoyed the Chinese food we ate there, anyway. The mutton burgers, not so much.

Then there's the craziness that I would ever attempt to cook something like this. Cilantro? What's a shallot? Chili paste? FISH sauce?! When I got married, I was just about as inept in the kitchen as a girl can be. Seriously clueless. And hated it. So really, the fact that I would look at a recipe for Thai chicken tacos, think it looked appealing enough to tear out of a magazine, and then successfully create it is almost on the level of a miracle. By the grace of God, I have come a long, long way in the last seven years.

Steve and I don't eat out very often, but more and more when we do, we're choosing Asian food. It's the one thing I can't really recreate at home. Most other things you'd order at a restaurant, we eat at home and enjoy homemade as well or better. But until now I haven't had much luck at anything Asian except chicken lettuce wraps (we make a mean knockoff of P.F. Chang's famous appetizer).

After the first round of this, Steve declared it the most authentic Asian food I've ever made, on the level of those lettuce wraps we so love. Later in the evening he said our house smelled like The Smiling Elephant (the Thai restaurant in Nashville we discovered in March and love). That was a compliment, for the record :)

Bonus: Almost everything can be done ahead, meaning moms of littles or working women don't have to do anything at the witching hour except saute the chicken for five minutes or so. And it's just as good leftover for lunch the next day.

Thai Chicken Tacos 
 [adapted from Better Homes & Gardens]

 

1 lime, halved
1 lb. chicken breast, cut in 1/2-inch pieces
1/4 c. chopped fresh cilantro
1 large shallot, finely chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 T fish sauce
2 t. reduced-sodium soy sauce
1/2-1 tsp. crushed red pepper (optional--I omitted)
1/2-1 tsp. chili paste or hot chili sauce (such as Sriracha)
2 T oil
flour tortillas
1 recipe Tangy Asian Cabbage Slaw (below)

Juice half of one lime into a bowl. Slice remaining half into wedges and set aside. Add cilantro, shallot, garlic, sauces and spices to the lime juice. Mix in chicken. Cover and refrigerate one hour or overnight.

Cook chicken mixture in hot oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat five minutes or until chicken is cooked through, stirring occasionally. To serve, fill tortillas with chicken and cabbage slaw. Serve with remaining slaw and lime wedges. Serves 4.


Tangy Asian Cabbage Slaw 

1/4 c. orange juice
1 T rice vinegar
1 T balsamic vinegar
1 T olive oil
1 t. grated fresh ginger, or 1/4-1/2 t. ground ginger
1/2 t. honey
1/2 c. cilantro
1 lb. cabbage and carrots, chopped as fine or as coarse as you prefer (or 1 16-oz pkg cabbage-and-carrot coleslaw)
1/4 c. chopped peanuts (or sunflower seeds, or 1-2 T sesame seeds)
salt to taste

Whisk first six ingredients together to form dressing. Combine cilantro, carrots and cabbage and seeds/peanuts. Mix in dressing. Salt to taste.

Note 2/5/14 - I have been doubling this slaw recipe. The chicken is SO flavorful that we tend to prefer a high ratio of slaw to chicken, meaning we always run out of leftover slaw before the chicken is all gone. I'd recommend at least using half again this much slaw, if not doubling. But my husband is a cabbage-aholic, so your mileage may vary :)

Monday, June 25, 2012

Multitude Monday, Take 252

"God owes no man anything. Our very existence has been gifted to us by his grace. While we lament the apparent injustice of pain and suffering, how often do we forget that every good thing in a fallen world is wholly a gift of God's mercy and grace? We think to question God when bridges fall but not to wonder at his grace that every bridge does not. Every fit of laughter, every delectable morsel of food, and every single smile is the result of his mercy and grace; he owes us none of it."
--Matt Chandler, The Explicit Gospel (p. 30)

Thanking God this week for all that He doesn't owe me but freely gives me, including...

4062. dinner last night with new friends
4063. opportunities to serve others by cooking for them
4064. husband seeing me at my worst and loving me still
4065. Steve's gospel encouragement when I'm having a terrible day
4066. a classic summer farmers' market dinner: BLTs, corn on the cob and fresh blackberries

4067. time spent swimming in our neighbors' pool
4068. Elijah getting so much braver in the water
4069. Jude jumping off the side and saying, "Ah di!" ("I did it!")
4070. a nature cruise on the Cumberland River
4071. a night off to go shopping by myself

4072. compliments on a new shirt
4073. Elijah climbing into our bed in the middle of the night, crying, and snuggling with me
4074. Steve being "mean" and helping me get out of bed when I need to
4075. long periods of daylight around the solstice
4076. speaking to me through Ezekiel

4077. a swimming playdate with friends on a day when we needed to get out
4078. friends helping me out to the car, serving me when the boys and I were all melting down
4079. a difficult but much-needed talk with a dear, dear friend
4080. freedom to cry and be broken with her
4081. her honesty, gentle advice, good questions, vulnerability

4082. the fact that you never have to relive a bad day--no matter how terrible it was, once it's over, it's over.
4083. dinner and conversation with friends we hadn't seen in a long time
4084. Steve helping me in the kitchen even when my poor planning means being up late and leaving a giant mess for the morning
4085. refusing to leave me to myself, chasing after idols
4086. pouring out His wrath on His Son instead of on me


Monday, June 18, 2012

Multitude Monday, Take 251

Thanking God this week for...

4033. cool, mosquito-free time outside
4034. Elijah in a bicycle helmet wielding a bamboo lightsaber, ridding our yard of Storm Troopers
4035. Jude finding his lost shoe when asked (I had NO idea where it was)
4036. bringing me low so I would meet others in total dependence on Him, with nothing in me to offer
4037. accountability from husband and friends

4038. the ability to buy individual songs, not a whole album, and listen to them instantly
4039. the ability to create countless playlists, and add to or change them at any time
4040. music that preaches truth to my heart
4041. exposing my sin
4042. Honest Toddler's hilarious Twitter feed and blog

4043. Steve telling me to go read to Elijah while he did dishes
4044. freedom to be real with friends about my struggles
4045. clean laundry hanging on the line
4046. soap and water for stinky toddler feet
4047. girls' night out at a Mexican restaurant

4048. Grandma being available when Jude was hysterical and desperate to talk on the phone
4049. inspiration for blog posts
4050. a friend's example of humility and repentance
4051. another friend's example of gracious forgiveness
4052. Jude trying to say "watermelon"

4053. Elijah still saying "wallamelon"
4054. the great feeling of having finished exercising and showering
4055. my loving, servant-hearted dad
4056. the wonderful father my boys are blessed to have

4057. Steve's gospel insights

4058.  unity in our church
4059. our edifying process of electing/affirming deacons and elders
4060. our pastors' care for the flock that has been entrusted to them
4061. inviting me to call Him Abba, Father


Sunday, June 17, 2012

Good Things

Our church reads a chapter of Psalms and a chapter of the New Testament each Sunday, and several of the men take turns reading the chapter and sharing a few brief thoughts. Steve is on the rotation, and after his reflection on Psalm 84 today, it occurred to me that I should feature these as guest blog posts. I am so thankful for my husband's ability to see the gospel throughout Scripture and apply it to life with wisdom and thoughtfulness!

[guest post by Steve Kannel]

Upon first glance, there are a number of comforting thoughts in Psalm 84. The end of verse 11, however, isn’t necessarily all that comforting:

“No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

Most of us would say that there are a number of things going on in our lives that we don’t feel to be good. An example for me is that just last week I was stranded in not one, but two of my cars because they broke down on the side of the road. If you have ever had a broken down car, you know it's usually time consuming and expensive to take care of. Certainly not a good thing.

Most of us would also say that we don’t really walk uprightly…hey, that may explain some of the “un-good” stuff that is going on. Maybe God is withholding good things from me because I’m not walking uprightly enough.

See what I mean? Not necessarily comforting.

Yet for those of us in Christ, the upright walking that God requires is not ours, but that of Jesus. Because He walked perfectly, we receive God’s good gifts.

Read it like this: “No good thing does He withhold from those who trust in the perfect walk of His Son.”

OK, so how does that explain the car situation? For me, I think it was a very strong and obvious reminder that the things of this world are not big enough to be my savior, and therefore be worshiped. Yet just saying it wasn’t enough, they had to actually fail me so that I would get the point.

God, in His mercy and goodness, because of his Son’s finished work, seeks to remove false idols from our hearts, that we may worship the true King. And that is a very good thing.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Before and After In Progress

Whether it's home improvement or weight loss, wardrobe overhaul or cleaning project, there's nothing like a great set of before-and-after photos. I love the sense of accomplishment, the clear evidence of hard work paid off, the beauty of a stunning transformation.

Six years ago, Steve and I bought a house built in the 1930s, and we've been tearing it apart ever since. Projects have included knocking out walls, moving a staircase, adding two bedrooms and a bathroom, and now gutting the existing bathroom. You'd think by now we'd have a lot of before-and-afters to proudly display.

Instead what we've got is a bunch of "before and in progress" examples. Case in point: the nursery, which I got to show you in this post shortly before Elijah was born. It's further along now than it was in these photos; the built-in bookcase and dresser are installed and painted, with trim around them; the closet has a curtain; a new door has been made and hung. But nearly five years later, it's still not actually *completed*. The door hasn't been painted; the light is a bare bulb, no fixture; there's no baseboard, and the trim around the built-ins needs to be redone. Not to mention the carpet desperately needs a good steam cleaning.

See, we have this tendency around here to dive into a new project, get it to the point of being usable, and then move on to something else. That would be why the stairs still have rough treads...why the guest room features a mattress and box springs on a carpet remnant...why the upstairs bathroom has no flooring...why the trim we tore off our bedroom windows and closet in July 2006 just got replaced within the last year...and why we decided to demolish our downstairs bathroom instead of working on any of the above :)

And this isn't a dig at my hardworking husband--I haven't mentioned the countless doors and pieces of trim I need to paint...or the number of months I've had paint chips for the bathroom but haven't selected a color, much less painted the walls...or the photos I've haphazardly printed with the intention that someday I'll get a collage wall up in our living room...or the boxes of vintage blue and green glass that I bought, oh, almost a year ago and never bought shelves for...need I go on?

I love our little house. It is nothing if not a "work in progress." And I'm excited about the improvements we're making! But sometimes I just want some AFTER pictures.

It occurred to me recently that my home-improvement-impatience is similar to my life-improvement-impatience. I read all those reassuring verses about how God will complete the work He began in me. Sometimes I can even see how He's changed me--I look back and realize who I was a few years ago, and where I am now, and I'm thankful for the progress. But my heart is still very much a messy construction zone. And I whine: Lord, can we please have some "after" pictures? Can't I conquer this struggle once and for all and proudly display the evidence that I have arrived?

I have a really hard time imagining some future day when our house is "finished" (my guess is that will only happen when we have to get it ready to sell, and even then, we won't have gotten around to all of the improvement projects we know are merely pipe dreams). But I can, and must, cling to the hope that there WILL be a future day when God's work in me is brought to a beautiful and satisfying completion. What I have a hard time coming to grips with is the reality that that won't happen in this life. "After" pictures of my heart aren't coming next week, or in five years, or when I reach age 75, if I would happen to live that long.

I will experience progress in that time, yes. But until I die or until Jesus comes, my heart will be under construction. It will be messy and rough around the edges, not magazine-worthy. So I am asking for grace to cooperate with the remodeling rather than whine about the never-ending work, and to believe that God's way of completing it (unlike the Kannel method of house remodeling) is never haphazard, delayed, or abandoned. He WILL complete the good work He began in me--and when He does, I will be finally set free from pride, so I won't even care about the "after" photos. I'll be too busy worshiping the Savior whose image I reflect.


Related:
Endless Revisions
What He Desires, That He Does
The Really Amazing Thing

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Broken

Look who I got to see this weekend...

 
SQUEEEE!

When I found out a few months ago that Ann Voskamp was going to be in Nashville, OF COURSE I was going to be there. Duh. Even better: my beloved mentor came to attend with me...and my amazing husband kept the boys overnight and into the next day so that I had a wonderful getaway with her!

The event, called "Broken: An Evening with Ann Voskamp, Christa Wells, and Nicole Witt," began with music from Christa and Nicole. They led us in singing a couple of songs and then performed several of their own songs. I was only just a little bit familiar with Christa's music, so most of the songs were new to me. I especially appreciated "How Emptiness Sings." Christa explained that it was inspired by an old blog post of Ann's, in which Ann pondered the music a guitar makes:
The curves of a guitar holds emptiness, and in patient arms, emptiness can sing.
I watch how her fingers gracefully play up the long, slender neck. How she cradles the wood. How she embraces the void within it and listens to it.
The black space under the willing strings amplify sounds and a chamber of dark is a holy hollowness holding songs. This is profound. This is grace.
Scripture is the steel threads, holding the world together, and when we let the fingers pluck along these sacred strings, the lines of red letters, Christ plays in one thousand places and even our hollow emptiness is a beauty that reverberates with the refrain of Love.
 When Christa read that, inspiration came:
...Her bow is on the strings,
And the tune resonates in the open space
To show us how emptiness sings:
Glory to God, Glory to God!
In fullness of wisdom,
He writes my story into his song, 
My life for the glory of God.
After the music, Ann came out to speak. Most of what she said was familiar stories and thoughts from her blog and book, but she also showed pictures of and talked a bit about this striking sculpture in Philadelphia called "Freedom." You know it's going to be good when you grab your pen to capture a line from someone's *prayer*: Ann addressed God as "The God who appoints those who disappoint, in order that we may point to You who never disappoint."

As Ann talked about brokenness and how God uses it to bring beauty and show His grace, I scribbled down several more poignant quotes (these are as close as I could get them, but probably not exact):

"Do I really break my joy because I believe that anger achieves more than love? ...The way of satan is more effective, more expedient?"

"Thy will be done" is the secret to joy.

To really get "receive," the "I" cannot come first.

"God renovates this fallen world with nails driven through His hands."

The sky breaks and waters the earth. Kernels break and feed our bodies. The earth breaks and seeds sprout up. "Why be afraid of being a broken thing?" "Maybe the love gets in more at the broken places."

"He is using all your brokenness to name you, shape you, give you a face and a form as glorious as His."

"This place is only part of the story--one of the stages of breaking free."

I'm pretty sure I speak for about 99% of the women there when I say we all would have liked to hear more from her--it was just over too soon!

We waited in line for a little while afterward to meet Ann, and instead of having her sign my copy of her book (which I'd lent to a friend and didn't have anyway), I had her sign MY book, since she was the one who inspired my visual journaling! So fun. 

After that lovely evening, I then got to spend the next 16ish hours with Diane. She drove over to go to the event with me, and we decided to get a hotel in Brentwood (a blissful night of uninterrupted sleep! waking up when my body decided it was done sleeping and not at the sounds of crying or an alarm! cranked a/c I did not have to pay the utility bill for! a hot tub! a maid to come in and clean up after me!).


You would think that between staying up until 1:00 AM and then talking nonstop from about 10-2 the following day, we'd have covered every imaginable topic and would be all caught up on everything. Oh, you would be so very wrong. How the hours passed so quickly, I do not know. But I am so thankful for this dear woman and the fact that I can be my realest, most broken self with her, and that she is willing to let me see her broken places. And I am thankful for the ways that both Ann (from a distance) and Diane (knowing and loving me up close) point me to Jesus, the Savior who loves and redeems messy, broken people.

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Making a Map

If I hadn't already renamed my blog, I decided last week, I'd name it "Making a Map," after this lovely quote from the book I just finished: 

"The central reality for Christians is the personal, unalterable, persevering commitment that God makes to us. Perseverance is not the result of our determination, it is the result of God's faithfulness. We survive in the way of faith not because we have extraordinary stamina but because God is righteous. Christian discipleship is a process of paying more and more attention to God's righteousness and less and less attention to our own; finding the meaning of our lives not by probing our moods and motives and morals but by believing in God's will and purposes; making a map of the faithfulness of God, not charting the rise and fall of our enthusiasms. It is out of such a reality that we acquire perseverance."
(Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, 128-129)

Oh, how thankful I am for this reality and my growing understanding of it. It's not about me. It doesn't depend on me. And that is good news!

In the end, I think that's what I'm trying to do when I sit down to write here in this space: I'm making a map. I write to deliberately shift my attention from my success or (more often) failures at righteousness to the perfect righteousness of Christ. I write to rein in my moods and motives and subject them to God's truth and ways. In order to steady my steps amid the rise and fall of my enthusiasms, I am making a map of His faithfulness.

Related:
New Name, Same Great Taste
Let the Gospel Rule
Who Gets the Last Word?
Learning Perspective from Paul

Monday, June 04, 2012

Multitude Monday, Take 250

Thanking God this week for...

4004. several days of Jude waking to nurse at 5:15, which is pretty much ideal for me
4005. reminders that my choices have consequences, even when I can't immediately see/feel any
4006. Steve's adventurousness in eating
4007. his appreciation for my adventurous cooking
4008. the fact that pushing the double stroller gives my arms a better workout

4009. chubby toddler feet
4010. Steve helping Elijah cut up "wallamelon"
4011. time to write
4012. a perfect day to explore a new greenway--nice and cool, rain held off
 

4013. another huge pedestrian bridge over the Cumberland River

4014. echoes in a tunnel
4015. pink windblown cheeks
4016. remembering to grab my camera
4017. the convenience of a hatchback for on-the-go diaper changing
4018. a phone chat with my adorable newly-married friend

4019. weekly phone conversations with a dear friend who points me to Jesus
4020. deliciously sweet blackberries from the farmers' market
4021. Jude dancing with excitement about the berries, face purple with juice
4022. Elijah: "I'll still snuggle with you when I'm big and tall."
4023. the most authentic-tasting Thai food I've ever made

4024. new books
4025. news that a friend is pregnant
4026. new families at church
4027. 7.95% of my body weight lost, several inches lost, shorts and pants fitting!
4028. Elijah giving the last bite of his cookie to Jude, without prompting

4029. boys loving looking at old photos of our family
4030. an evening walk with my guys
4031. forgiving my massive debt of sin against Him
4032. not only forgiving but reconciling me to Himself, even *knowing* for certain that I will offend Him again!