Moments after I saw two pink lines last winter, already Leah’s words were echoing in my mind: This time I will praise the LORD.
That became my prayer, my resolve, my plea for grace. Throughout my pregnancy, I prayed that God would grant me a completely different experience this time around—that birth would be a positive, healing experience; that He would protect me from postpartum depression, enable me to delight in the new baby.
But I also asked that even if it was really hard again, even if a hundred overwhelming challenges came my way, that He would give me the grace to praise Him, to hold fast to Him, to glorify His name and show His faithfulness.
Adjusting to motherhood after Elijah's birth was incredibly difficult for me. But I was so faithless, so weak and so unwilling to fight. This time I prayed that God would enable me to fight for joy, that He would put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.
On February 9, the day I found out I was pregnant, I wrote in my journal:
I’m praying that His perfect, unfailing love will drive out all my fear. I’m praying that He’ll give me grace to trust Him, come what may. He is good, and He does good. I am securely in the palm of His hand, and He ordains only what is best. I grieve to think of my faithlessness, my unbelief, how I have dishonored Him in the past.
May it not be so this time, Lord! Make me faithful. Fill me with trust in You and use me to point people to Christ as the only source of hope.
This time, I will praise You.[part 3]