When we went in for an ultrasound last June, and discovered that our new baby was a boy, the name “Jude” reverberated in my head the entire way home. It wasn't my favorite boy name, but because of the meaning, I almost couldn't fathom naming our little boy anything else—it felt like the name Jude had been chosen for us. God knew I would need the testimony.
Steve and I talked about it, and we both really liked the idea of his name being so meaningful. So our second son officially became Jude. A few weeks later, in July, I wrote in my journal:
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places.
Father, my heart hesitates as I read and write these words; I fear the unknowns of this fall. ...I hesitate to echo Habakkuk's prayer. These are words I need and want to declare—yet my faith is so weak.
I don't want my joy to depend on my circumstances. I want to display deep, abiding trust in You. Help me, Lord—enable me to rejoice in You no matter what, to take joy in You who have saved me, who are saving me, and who will save me forever. Lord, receive even the naming of our son Jude as an act of faith—trusting that by Your grace, “This time I will praise the LORD.” Cause me to rejoice in You; enable me to trust You and choose to praise You whatever may come. Be my strength, Lord, so that like Habakkuk, I can have “sure-footed confidence” in You even amid difficult circumstances.